Maybe Replicants Already Walk Among Us..?

Kehren Sajid, of Handsworth in Birmingham, was today sentenced to a 12-month community order for five charges of common assault on four toddlers in the Winnie the Pooh playroom of the city's Small Talk Nursery last year.

Yup, that’s right. Toddlers. That she handled with all the care and delicacy of abattoir workers unloading pigs…

Judge Elizabeth Fisher told the 31-year-old: 'By virtue of their age, the children were vulnerable victims.'

She added: 'It is not surprising to learn that one of the mothers of the children concerned is angry at the way in which her child had been treated by you. '

I think it’s ‘surprising’ that only one was!

'Nevertheless it is clear you are remorseful for what occurred, for the way in which you treated these young victims, your lack of nurture and care. 'It is clear you need assistance as far as victim awareness is concerned. '

Ummm, what?

Is that a pretty clumsy way of saying it would be nice if nursery workers didn't view their charges as ‘victims’ at all? I thought these judges were all about the eloquence?

Sophie Murray, defending, said: 'She is sorry for the distress caused to the parents of these children.'

What about the distress of the children? Doesn't she even recognise that?

She added the treatment was 'rough handling' and it was unlikely Sajid, who is NVQ-qualified, would ever be employed looking after children again.

Oh, I don’t know. I rather doubt that’ll be the bar to future employment that you seem to think it might be. 

So we have qualified child carers hauling around toddlers as if they were sacks of spuds, while in care homes for pensioners, you can die of cardiac arrest because the nurses employed to prevent this don’t feel much like bending down to save you…

Rather than NVQs and positive CRB vetting, perhaps we’d be better off relying on a Voight-Kampf test?