Why, a deer manager in Herts who tackles the fiercest big game Herts has to offer - a runaway pet.
The runaway rhea that has been roaming a golf course for more than a month has finally met its end at the hands of a gamekeeper.
But it wandered into Stuart Howe’s rifle sights in a nearby oil seed rape field, and the deer manager killed it with a single shot to the head from 70 yards./applauds the mighty hunter
Bravo, sir! Why, you'll be ready for the Big Five soon, I'm sure.
What? No. Not lion, leopard, buffalo, rhino or elephant. Our Great White Hunter will have to tackle Fluffy, Tabby, Champion, Fido and Ferdinand...
Mr Howe yesterday insisted the bird had not suffered, and said the meat would be made into gourmet sausages.And they will taste good, I'm sure. But fear not! Mr Howe did not shoot this bird to eat. Nor simply because it was there and he felt like killing it. Who would object to that? Not me.
No, Mr Howe is Hare Street's answer to Jim Corbett - he did it to keep you all safe..
He added that he understood that the police wanted the bird dispatched because they were worried that it could cause a car crash.They usually take care of such things themselves, though without Mr Howe's undoubted marksmanship.
Mr Howe, 65, who manages deer and lives in the nearby village of Hare Street, said: “I suppose some people might say it is a shame the rhea is dead but it would be terrible if it caused someone to die in a car crash.
I saw the rhea near the roadside at one point and it would easily have caused a car to swerve and hit a tree.”Excellent attitude to take! I commend your public-spiritedness!
Now, about these travellers' horses that keep wandering in the roads. Be a good chap and sort that out too, will you?
And when you're done there, I'm sure a quick perusal of Mark Wadsworth's site will clue you in the the menace of loose livestock, and how can the farmer object, if it saves one (non-bovine) life?
Oh, and if you can still afford the cartridges after that, I'm sick to death of having the local schoolchildren walk straight out into the road engrossed in their phones when I'm driving past. I'm sure the police will understand. In fact, they probably want you to do it, eh?
You wouldn't want me to have to swerve, right?
H/T: Heresy Corner via Twitter