Exactly The Breed You'd Imagined...

...scruffy, aggressive, dumb, inbred.

And the dog wasn't much better.

The owners of a pitbull-type dog which horrifically mauled and scalped a toddler in a play park are facing up to five years behind bars.

Yeah, it's this case. The best part of a year to resolve an open and shut case.

Eldridge, 29, and Thornton, 27, both from Chatham, were due to stand trial accused of being the owners of a dog which caused injury while dangerously out of control in a public place, but they pleaded guilty before a jury was sworn in.

At an earlier hearing at the same court, mother-of-three Eldridge also admitted perjury in relation to her lying during family court proceedings that she was not being prosecuted for the dangerous dog offence.

Fine, upstanding citizens....

Judge David Griffith-Jones QC adjourned sentencing for probation reports but warned they faced immediate custody.

Why on earth should you need yet more reports? Both are hardly strangers to the court, after all:

The court heard Eldridge, who cried during the proceedings, had been the victim of domestic violence.

Nicholas Jones, defending, said she suffered from depression and had had to move home after the attack.

She has previous convictions for shoplifting and was currently subject to a community order for dangerous driving.

Are they working their way through the list of possible offences? Is this 'Criminal Justice System Bingo'..?

John Fitzgerald, defending Thornton, told the court he had a lengthy record, mostly offences of dishonesty related to his cannabis addiction.

He is currently subject to supervision by the probation service, having been released from prison on June 14 this year.

Yup, that seems to be a full house!

He released them on bail with the condition they be subject to a tagged curfew until September 24.

Which I'm sure they'll obey. Like they do everything else.