Oh, Jog On, Love!

Sarah Ditum on the awful experience that is, umm, jogging:

I took up running in part because I was anxious about the way I looked.

Which is, apparently, all society’s fault.

… with the timorous demeanour of the non-sporty person attempting something sporty, I headed out of my door and down the street at an unthreatening clip. Fortunately, my neighbours must have sensed my self-consciousness and come out to defuse it, because here was the man from the corner off-licence, standing in his doorway and shouting: "You look great!" And here was a man waiting for a bus, hollering: "Keep it up, love!"

Cheered by such support, I churned out several more laps and entered the next available half marathon. Except – oh, haha, no I didn't. I stumbled home miserably, scorching with humiliation, feeling like a tubby gobbet of flesh bound in elastic fibres. I threw my trainers in the bottom of the wardrobe and didn't get them out again for several years.

Oh, well, here’s a jogging outfit for you, Sarah:

Then all you need worry about is bumping into lampposts...