Well, They Could Try Another Newpaper, For A Start...

...because, clearly, the 'Indy' is in no position to preach!

I Think Someone Had A Word With The 'Mail' Editorial Team...

Oh, wait. Maybe not. Should have removed this paragraph too..

Taylor, who is in a critical condition in hospital after undergoing surgery for a shotgun wound to his head, had posted a photograph of a handgun on his Facebook page late last year.

/facepalm

H/T: Stephen Guy via email

Sunday Funnies...

Ooh, I must have that umbrella..! Maybe it doesn't ward off prying eyes, but it looks cool.

Rising Crime Rates: Here’s A Twofer!

News of the shocking incident spread quickly on social media, with some users naming a teacher at Dulwich Hamlet Junior School as the vandal responsible. The allegations prompted the independent school's head to issue a statement in which she categorically denied the claims, saying the "principled, kind and caring" teacher in question had been in another part of the country when the incident is alleged to have taken place. Sonia Case also suggested images of the graffiti might be "photoshopped".

Hmmm, really? Seems a bit desperate to me, if the person concerned was out of the country (as the police seem to now agree), there’s be no need to cast aspersions, would there?

And indeed, they were not photoshopped:

Southwark Council today confirmed the graffiti was real. Contractors painted over the offensive comment around 9am this morning, a spokeswoman said.

However, as we saw in Longrider’s recent post, the thing to do when you are getting criticised for your actions is to claim that you’re the victim. And so the crime figures get inflated…

Police today confirmed officers were looking into two separate incidents connected the graffiti. "On May 26 police received an allegation of malicious communications following the circulation of a name on social media in relation to racist graffiti in Herne Hill," a spokeswoman said.

"Detectives from the Community Safety Unit based in Southwark carried out enquiries and established that the racist graffiti, which has been reported separately to police, had been written on a wall outside a bar in Herne Hill.

"The CSU has not identified the person or persons responsible for both incidents and enquiries continue."

And I wonder which report will reach the finish line first? The one that needs a lot of ploughing through CCTV and questioning people, or the one that means looking at someone’s Facebook page from the comfort of their desk?

Update: Well, well, well...

Wondering why this man was named at all as the potential graffiti artist?

Well, here's a possible clue:

He said he had no idea who had sprayed the offensive message last Monday morning or why his name was being smeared.

Mr Turnham is among a number of neighbours to have written to the local council asking for the bar’s licence to be reviewed over noise complaints.

Curiouser and curiouser!

Oh, You ‘React Angrily’ Over This Survey…

…funny how others don’t even register, eh?

Parents of children as young as nine have reacted angrily after schools in an east London borough asked pupils to complete surveys designed to provide clues to possible radicalisation.

Waltham Forest council has been piloting the scheme in five primary schools with large Muslim intakes.

Ummm, well, yes. If you want to catch fish, you’ve gotta get your hook wet, haven’t you?

The programme has been funded with a €500,000 (£360,000) grant from an EU fund – the Radicalisation Leading to Terrorism Programme – designed to “identify the initial seeds of radicalisation with children of primary school age”.

Heh! This means that anyone criticising this is criticising the EU, yes? Cat, pigeons, some assembly required.

But some parents have complained they were not consulted about the surveys. One parent of an 11-year-old boy at Buxton primary school in Leytonstone, who was asked to complete the questionnaire, said: “This is why we need to get involved with this, otherwise ‘monitoring’ like this goes unchecked and without vetting. No letter was sent home explaining this and I found out just talking to my son.”

Other parents expressed outrage on Twitter.

“This is shockingly Orwellian,” one said.

“Our kids don’t stand a chance. Guessing there’s going to be a big jump in home schooling.”

They seems awfully familiar complaints, but I can’t seem to find a similar disapproving ‘Guardian’ article about this survey. They seem to think it’s a good thing.

Why, it’s almost as if they are utter hypocrites, isn’t it?

Lazy, Don’t Care Cops? Must Be The Met Again…

The couple reported Dylan's death to the police but were told it was a civil, rather than criminal, matter.

*sighs* No. It isn’t. The DDA applies, as it always has done. If you actually bother to read it, rather than just use it as an excuse to not do your job.

We’ve been here before, of course, with the issue of public photography. Some forces just don’t seem to get the memo, do they?

And since the drunken scum with the out of control Staffies look like the sort that’d be in line for regular visits from the police, one can only hope another Stratford scenario plays out here.

The Advertiser has approached the Metropolitan Police for a comment.

Someone’s muzzled their press team, then!

Post Title Of The Month

Mark Wadsworth on an unfortunate supermarket issue:

Quote Of The Month

Catherine Tyley has some words of advice for the protesting youth:

For people who genuinely respect democracy and didn’t get the result they had hoped for, that is unfortunate, but that is the way our democracy works. If you are genuinely concerned about the welfare of the most disadvantaged in society, why not start donating to a local charity, or volunteering at a charity shop, a shelter, or a food bank? If you are religious your local Church/Mosque/place of worship will be able to point you in the direction of one, or if you would rather not approach a religious institution there is also the Trussell Trust who run food banks up and down the country. Why not stop telling people that they hate the poor, and actually start helping instead?

Post Of The Month

Bill Sticker on nature's bounty...

Well, Yes, He’s A Politician…

The judge told Joyce in his sentencing remarks: “In my view, the evidence against you was very overwhelming and the defence that you put forward was lacking in any credibility, particularly when one looks at the CCTV evidence, and your interpretation of what that demonstrated, I’m afraid, vastly differed from the way I saw the events portrayed.”

…so it stands to reason, doesn’t it?

Extra - Tweet Of The Month: Special Election Edition

Sublime!

Post Title Of The Month: Special Election Edition

MacHeath in possibly one of the best bits of election news:

Quote Of The Month: Special Election Edition

David Duff makes some predictions for Cameron:

As to the rest, Dave needs to reinforce the efforts Alan Duncan-Smith and his team as they press home their changes to our corrupting welfare system. It was their efforts which, I suspect, brought in a lot of non-Tory sympathisers inside the privacy of the voting booths. He needs to get rid of that silly woman who took over from the excellent Michael Gove at Education. She is half-hearted at best and seems incapable of taking on the educational 'blob' made up of unions and bureaucrats. I would like to see Said Javid moved in there. He, I believe, or at least I hope, will be a future leader of the Tory party. Immigration will also require a tough operator capable of ramming things down the civil servants' throats and with a team beneath him who can ensure that orders are actually carried out!

Post Of The Month: Special Election Edition

Anna Raccoon on splendid form.

I Think The York Press Editor Needs A Dictionary…

Ooo-er! So….they aren’t selling ice cream? What are they selling?

Licensing officials warn that unlicensed vans could be falling short of hygiene regulations, or be operated by people who have not undergone the necessary background checks.

They say have been made aware of several unlicensed ice cream vans operating near schools and busy beaches in East Yorkshire.

Ah! So, they aren’t really ‘bogus’, are they? They just aren't paying their tithe. That cannot be tolerated.

Next Time, Pretend It’s A Cow…

…and call an ARV to shoot the bloody thing*. Get them to take out a few of these bystanders too:

Mrs Blackmore said the officers were verbally abused by members of the public while they attempted to deal with the dog, reporting shouts of “scum” and “I hope it bites your face off.”

Lovely people. Lovely…

Magistrates sentenced Barker to 40 hours unpaid work and ordered her to pay £200 compensation to each officer.

She was also ordered to pay £320 court costs and a £60 victim surcharge.

Which seems pretty light for owning a dangerous dog that attacked someone else’s animal and injured two police officers. Is she grateful?

Well, reader, this is Liverpool:

Speaking after the case, Barker told the Echo that she disagreed with the police’s version of events and is planning to lodge a formal complaint.

Christ! Not for nothing is this place called Self Pity City…

*H/T: Ivan Turner via email

What 'Daily Mail' Headlines Say..

...vs what the story actually reveals:

Cheeseman, of Burnley, was ordered to pay £150 compensation and fined £135, but cleared of charges of failing to stop, failing to report an accident and failing to comply with a traffic sign.

Chairman of the bench Ronnie Riley said the photos of Mr Hodgson's injuries did not support his claim that he was covered in blood and showed grazing.

He said: 'We find Mr Cheeseman negotiated the junction lawfully.'

So, a more accurate headline would be 'Jaywalker tries it on, isn't believed by court'...

Have You Considered Living In The Middle Of The Gobi Desert..?

'I decided to speak out because I'm sick of being bombarded with explicit images,' the mother told Daily Mail Australia.

'It obviously is more of an issue when we are trying to heal the wounds of the past for a 12 year old girl.'

When did the famously blunt-speaking Aussies turn into such limp rags?

Good lord, if one place was expected to scorn the ‘triggering’ phenomenon so beloved of the attention seekers, I’d expect it to be Oz…

In response to the email, The Body Shop claims the image and caption was intended to be 'light-hearted and humorous'.

'It is never our intention to offend our customers in any way, it is regrettable when this occurs and we apologise for any feelings of disappointment this promotion may have caused you,' the email read.

I can’t help but feel ‘Get over yerself, ya great sooky la la!’* might have been better…

*A favourite saying of Angry Exile on subjects like these

Is It Really Inevitable?

The 21-year-old, from Shildon, County Durham, sobbed uncontrollably in the dock when the verdict was announced. Relatives in the public gallery at Teesside Crown Court also burst into tears, and her boyfriend shouted "f***ing disgrace." She will be sentenced some time next month after background reports have been prepared on her by a probation official.

Defence barrister, Shaun Dryden, told Mr Recorder Elliott: "She is obviously aware of the inevitable sentence in this case."

Well, I wouldn’t be too sure of that…

It’s Not Your Safety That Concerns Them…

…it’s their ability to screw money out of the taxpayer for the usual Spanish practices:

Keith Williams, a GMB trade union representative, joined Dagenham refuse workers on the picket line. He accused the council of violating a 28-year-old agreement by halving the time allowed for drivers to carry out safety checks on dust carts from 30 minutes to 15, meaning a £1,000 a year pay cut.

“You couldn’t afford to lose £1,000 a year – our members had no alternative but to strike,” he said.

“We’ve had this payment for 28 years and now the council is trying to knock out this 15-minute safety check figure.

“We don’t want to be out on strike – but we are not willing to lose £1,000 a year.

“It’s the democratic right of workers to take industrial action, we’ll keep it up as long as it takes.

“The council has to end this dispute but Twomey (cllr) and Rodwell (council leader) don’t want to get round the table.”

He said the council was guilty of breaching health and safety, and that 30 minutes is needed to carry out a full safety check.

And as with most union justification, this turns out to be smellier than a five week old uncollected waste bin.

But on May 14, service manager for passenger transport James Braund, who teaches the check to drivers, invited the Post to see how long it takes.

“I’m at a disadvantage because I don’t work with these every day,” he said. “But I did carry out a check on a similar vehicle yesterday and probably do three a week.”

James completed the test, which involves checking oil, tyre tread, light operations and equipment, in just nine minutes and explained the process while doing so.

Whoops! Back to Keith, to see if he has an answer:

But Keith said his check didn’t reflect the reality of the job.

“He’s not carrying the check out at 5am,” he said. “It’s dark when we carry out these checks and there’s about 15 queuing up to fill their tanks.”

Gosh, will this turn out to be the truth th…


Well, no.

A council spokesman claims drivers are required to fill up at the end of a shift, to ensure vehicles are ready in the morning and refill queues are prevented.

He also said on-site lighting means checks can be carried out at any time of day.

Quite. So quit your whinging, Keith!

And more to the point, why on earth has the council been granting overtime for safety checks anyway? Any normal job, these would be part of your day to day routine, not an ‘extra’ that you demand extra moolah for!

…group manager of direct services, Tony Ralph, insisted the council is not breaching health and safety.

“We are not asking any driver to take an unsafe vehicle out,” he said. “The pre-start check is overtime on top of 35 hour week. We want them to do the check and we’ll pay them for 15 minutes. If it takes longer we’re not asking them to not do it, we’re saying it goes into their normal working day.”

As should have been the case all along.

Crumbs!

We Brits never really learned to value bread.

‘We’ didn’t..? I certainly did.

Had a major “baker” stopped selling bread in France, there might have been a riot. But then in France, bread has always been highly political …

The French can make fashion political.

In Germany there might have been indignation. Walk around its cities, be it Bochum or Berlin, and the national bakery chains fill their windows with sumptuous displays of glossy, golden loaves that are to a British supermarket loaf what a BMW is to a Rover.

Ah, I see a pattern: “Oh, look at the continentals, so progressive, so superior to us awful Brits!”

The progressive press seems to have no trouble finding people who loathe Britain, yet unaccountably never choose to live in the countries they always hold up as superior.

Despite war, pestilence and the advent of reality TV, good bread remains central to the cuisine of those northern European nations that can actually boast a cuisine. That it isn’t in Britain says a lot about the fate of our food culture.

Yup, here we go – the idea that if we were only more like the revered continentals (who never indulge in Le Big Mac or ein Slurpee) we’d be so much better. We’d no longer be British, but then, isn’t that the point?

But wait! Haven’t we seen a revival of bakery recently? Well, it seems we have, but it’s the wrong people doing it:

Of course, in the last decade or so there has been a revival of artisan baking. When I made a series for BBC Radio 4, I met a slew of amazing people for whom baking was less of a job and more a calling. And yet little has changed in wider attitudes. Many people think nothing of parting with four quid for a pint or three for a coffee, but spending a similar sum on a loaf of properly crafted bread strikes them as outrageous profligacy, the preserve of hipsters and smug middle-class foodies.

And well they might! They don’t, after all, have the salary of a ‘Guardian’ writer, do they?

And there’s not that much wrong with plain old white bread anyway, is there? Isn’t it better than no bread at all?

Greggs is the state of the nation’s stomach. And it’s costing the NHS in excess of £20bn a year to fix the consequences of our collective diet; obesity, heart disease, diabetes. No major party had the Greggsnuts during the election campaign to talk about taking on a food industry that we are in effect subsidising through our spending on the NHS. But don’t blame Greggs. If we wanted better food and a healthier society we’d demand it.

*yawn* The usual Nanny State male generative organs we’ve come to expect.

Luckily, we have a new Tory government who won’t put up with this sort of nons…

What?

Oh…

Diversity Officer - Yr Doin' It Wrong!

/facepalm

Update: Might decide that mocking selfie wasn't a good idea after all, Bahar....

'Daily Mail' Photo Bank Needs More Variety...

Because 'file photo of dripping human head in plastic bag' came up 'not found'

Sunday Funnies...

Well, with No 3, the military has done a lot more good than simply inventing the Internet!

A Pretty Misleading Headline, ‘Indy’..?

Migrants who have permission to be in the UK are avoiding seeking vital medical treatment for fear of being arrested, a charity has warned.

Really? How many are we talking about?

Doctors of the World said the vast majority (83 per cent) of the patients it spoke to for its annual survey had no access to the NHS.

Hmmm, that’s…not quite the same thing, is it?

So…how many are we talking about? I’ll keep repeating it until I get an answer.

Although more than half (57.5 per cent) of the people attending its clinic in Bethnal Green, east London, were foreign nationals who did not have permission to reside in the UK, the charity said that on average patients had already been living in the country for six-and-a-half years, illustrating that they are not so-called health tourists travelling to the UK for the purpose of free medical treatment.

Oh. Right. Apples and oran… No, not even that. Apples and orang-utans…!

FFS! No permission to reside here, yet residing here (often for more than 6 years), and that somehow doesn’t make them ‘benefit tourists’, according to this idiot.

What would?

Leigh Daynes, executive director of Doctors of the World UK, said: “The failure to ensure equitable access to healthcare across Europe is this century’s hidden public health time bomb. Austerity, poverty and exclusion risk robbing an entire generation of healthy, productive lives across a continent that undervalues the benefits of universal healthcare. European states must recognise and address this.”

Oh, take the sex & travel option, doc! We’re through listening to you open borders types whinge for us to take in every sickly waif & stray in the Third World at the expense of our own citizens.

Eventually, ‘Diversity’ Will Eat Itself…

Hugh Muir shows us why:

I spent a morning last week interviewing applicants for the Journalism Diversity Fund, an industry-funded initiative that helps those who want to train and enter the profession but can’t afford to. If they can secure a place on a National Council for the Training of Journalists training course, convince of the need for assistance and show how the media might be enhanced in terms of diversity by their enlistment as a practitioner, they can receive financial assistance.

It’s our way of trying to bring new voices and new experiences into British journalism.

Right, right. And..?

I very much commend it. But one thing strikes. Over the years, the calculation of what is needed to achieve a diverse workforce has changed. We need more minority journalists, more women, more journalists with disabilities; to finally tick all of the long-established boxes.

Because it’s all about ticking boxes. That’s all that counts. It’s no longer a case of how good you might be at a job, but whether you fit into a predetermined slot on someone’s diversity board.

But that board is getting larger and larger…

But such is the state of our industry, particularly the London-based national media, that an applicant can very reasonably cite themselves as a bringer of diversity by being a non-graduate or coming from a council estate. Or being someone whose chances are limited by illness in the family, or unemployment, or because they have been working a zero-hours contract.

We lack not just people who fit the diversity critieria of race and sex and gender, but also those whose difference is rooted in circumstance, deprivation and class.

Well, what a dilemma. Here’s a thought, Hugh. Just recruit people. People who are good at what they do.

And stop worrying about quotas, since they’ll eventually be so wide, they’ll encompass everyone anyway…

The Long, Long List Of Things ‘Traumatic’ To Special Snowflakes Has An Addition…

Courtesy of notorious drama llama and perennial CiF whinger, Jane Fae:

If you’re gobsmacked by that, you ain’t alone! It seems what’s upset the applecart this time is the process of changing your name:

According to the law, you may call yourself whatever you wish: it is not for any organisation to dictate what name or title you may use, unless they suspect you are doing so for fraudulent purposes. However, panicked over money-laundering and terror, the UK government has threatened sanctions against banks and financial institutions, who take refuge in making demands for pointless documentation.

If it’s needed to fend off the increasingly belligerent arms of the state, I fail to see how you can label it ‘pointless’.

Trans people tend to change their name once in their lifetime. Non-binary people, too.

‘Non-binary’..?

Last year, the cabinet came up with a new system for registering to vote, requiring disclosure of previous name. They were shocked to learn, in the course of meetings with myself and Helen Belcher, secretary of the Parliamentary Forum on Gender Identity, that a significant portion of the trans community would prefer to disenfranchise itself – to not vote at all – than disclose their previous name.

Frankly, if they didn’t yell ‘YES!!!’ and start high-fiving each other, they should be ashamed of themselves – the fewer kooks & single-issue nutcases like Jane Fae who opt out of the electoral system, the better for the rest of us…

Thankfully, following further consultation, a new approach is taking shape.

Which I suspect means more hoops to jump through for everyone else, and a big fat Victimhood Pass for the transgender identity group…

Yet even when name change is “just” for reasons of marriage or divorce, there can be cost and hassle, as different organisations demand different standards of “proof”. For instance, many banks now reject marriage or divorce certificates if they are more than six months past. The current processes disproportionately drain the time and money of two groups: trans people and women. That, as any equality lawyer will tell you, is prima facie a definition of indirect discrimination.

Great! Let’s further enrich lawyers. That’ll help everything.

Name change processes are a constant source of friction. They slow down your ability to live your life and, when the jobsworths get it wrong, are a source of significant upset. Organisations need to find more respectful ways to deal with individuals. Or, like my bank, they’ll find themselves on the end of not just public embarrassment, but court action for unlawful discrimination.

Hopefully one that’ll bankrupt you.

Oh, but wait. It’s never your money you activists take the gamble with, is it?

Well, Of Course You ‘Never Thought About Consequences’…

…there really weren’t any from the justice system, were there?

An airline pilot who drowned his neighbour’s dog in a moment of madness to stop its barking has been handed a 12-week suspended prison sentence. He was ordered to pay costs of £2,400 and a victim surcharge of £180.

This is the case I said I’d be keeping an eye on. Turns out worse than I suspected:

In mitigation Sara-Lise Howe said that Woodhouse had become distressed by the dog’s barking, and had suffered a heart attack a year earlier.

“He had no idea how it happened,” she said. “He just lost his wits. He just wanted the dog to stop it.

“It is clear that it was a momentary lack of sanity because there was no animosity between the families.”

Really? I bet there is now!

Strange there’s no council staff called to verify his claims of multiple complaints, eh?

But…just a moment of madness? Bloody long ‘moment’!

Woodhouse had attempted to dump the body of the dog on three occasions afterwards. He had first intended to dispose of the animal by a hedge row in Long Buckby Wharf and later considered areas around Birmingham airport and Ashby St Ledgers.

But realising the dog may have been microchipped, he did not go through with it. He instead made attempts to remove the chip with a knife, with no success.

That’s not a moment of madness, that’s planning, albeit incompetent.

Miss Howe said the incident had ‘divided’ the village of Long Buckby and added that the last year had been a ‘living hell’ for the pilot.

She also said Woodhouse had since been pronounced as fit to work following psychiatric assessments.

But after the recent Germanwings disaster, thankfully Flybe have suspended him.

Well, would you get in a plane flown by such an unhinged whackjob?

Sweetie, You’re Part Of The Problem, Stop Demanding A Solution!

Lori Horvitz is baffled that her petard is about to blow up in her face:

Do we, as citizens of this uncomfortable and unpredictable world, have the luxury and privilege of receiving “trigger warnings” before being exposed to disturbing material about subjects like the Holocaust, lynching, murder and rape?

I’m assuming that’s a rhetorical question? Sadly, Lori’s invested a lot of her career in encouraging that very attitude.

I taught courses in literature, creative writing and gender studies at the university level for 18 years without being asked for trigger warnings. But, during the past two years, more and more students have asked for them.

Well, yes. It’s a fad, and we know that these days, you’re nothing if you haven’t got an ‘ism’ or are a ‘victim’. It spreads quickly through the hothouse world of academe, as we know from David Thompson’s blog.

And one day, she slipped up. As anyone would. And a book she hadn’t read all the way through (fatal error!) contained the unmentioned ‘triggering’ material:

One student, in an anonymous teacher evaluation, wrote: “Not providing trigger warnings is not only detrimental to a students’ emotional well-being … but it also represents further invalidation/insult of rape survivors. Providing trigger warnings, honestly, is less of a request and more of a student’s demand for this professor if she intends to teach this class again.”

Wow! Just savour the entitlement, the arrogant self-regard, the – dare I say it? - privilege of the modern day student!

It is statements like these that make me want to opt out of teaching this material all together.

It’s statements like those that’d make me want to run amok with a chainsaw. But then, I wouldn’t be spending my days catering to such babies, and…well, you have.

I want to scream: “I care! This is why I have chosen to teach difficult material, about the oppression of women and minorities, in the first place.” I worry that, by giving in to requests for trigger warnings, professors are telling this new generation of students that they need to be coddled.

Yup! That’s exactly what you’ve done! You’re now reaping that whirlwind. And you can’t seem to see that you’ve sown it.

I’m trying to understand. I’ve led workshops and conference panels about trigger warnings. In my Queer Literature course, I gave out a survey asking: would you want trigger warnings for every potentially triggering reading?

You mean, you appeased and pandered and you wonder why it didn’t work?

As a courtesy, I have begun providing a blanket content warning on my syllabi. Of course, there is no way to know which issues will be triggering for which students. On the first day of class I ask students to be aware of the possibility of triggers throughout the semester and to take care of themselves if they feel triggered — to seek counseling, to step out of the room, to talk with me.

Maybe you should try something a bit blunter? Maybe you should tell them what you’re telling the CiF audience?

I want to tell my students: sometimes I might not warn you. Not out of malice, but because I care. Because the outside world is full of triggers. Because any number of things, at any point of any day – the first few notes of a pop song, or the smell of french fries, or looking into the eyes of the man behind you at the bank – can trigger you. And you need to be ready and strong. You need to be prepared.

Exactly! But why tell us? We already know that. Start telling them.

Because if you don’t, that rod you’ve made for your own back will just get gradually more inflexible…

*Giggles Uncontrollably*

A man has been charged with stealing his own barrister's mobile phone during an appearance at Bexley Magistrates' Court.

Bobby Heath, 25, of Simnel Road, Lee, allegedly took the phone at the court on May 1.

Heath was appearing in court to plead guilty to charges of possession of cannabis and driving without insurance.

I wonder who’ll represent him? Someone with a 10 year old Nokia?

These People Are Deranged…

Another uncontrollable American Bulldog turns on its owner:

Officers contained the animal in a garden in Lannett Road at about 1.50pm after the dog attacked the owner after he tried to put his collar back on, a Gloucestershire Police spokesman said.

Police failed to stun the dog, an American bulldog, with a taser and were forced to kill it.

And are the public thankful that another dangerous dog has been dealt with by the police?

Reader, they are not…

Writing on The Citizen's Facebook page, Shelley Kaminsky said: "Poor dog he looks beautiful and such a horrible way to go poor thing must have been terrified.

"I have owed big dogs all my life eg great Danes and Rottweiler s and can't see any reasonable reason why if was a family dog for ten years would turn on his owner a grown adult especially.

"All I can say is thought s with owner as can't be nice for him must be distraught as dogs are family."

If my brother turns on me and starts ripping my arm to shreds, Shelley, I'd rather like the police to shoot him. Family or not!

Annabel Bennett wrote: "Really sad whatever happened.... it must be heartbreaking to have your dog shot in front of you."

Not when it's severing your brachial artery, love...

Dan Evans wrote: "Are we going to be in a situation where we have to hide our dogs?

"Why the hell would the police have needed to kill the poor thing, worries me as to how the onus is always on the dog.

"There is no such thing as a bad dog, they are products of their environment (behaviourally speaking). If you're nice and responsible with your dog, then all is good, if you abuse the poor thing (God knows why anyone would abuse dogs) then they will not react well to 'normal' situations."

Once more, I’m reminded that so many self-professed ‘animal lovers’ are merely human haters…

I’ve Got No Such Difficulty…

Richard Taylor, defending, said Khan had difficulties making sense of his motivation for his offending and wanted to apologise.

…it’s because he’s a vile scumbag.

The 36-year-old, of Ennismore Street, Burnley, is now starting a two-year jail sentence after he admitted sexual assault and breaching a sexual offences prevention order

Khan was convicted last year of another sexual assault, where he had offered a woman a lift home then attempted to kiss her during the journey, the court heard.

Khan was also given a sexual harm prevention order and sexual offender notification requirement, each for 10 years.

Fantastic! It’s not like he’ll breach this one, having already breached the other one, is it?

The More I Read About The Garden Bridge…

…the more determined I am that the Left won’t stop it:

The Southwark-based horticulturist told the Standard the £175 million bridge will be a “magical place in the centre of London” divided into five zones reflecting the centuries-long history of the city’s green spaces.

The publication of the designs meant the gardens could now take centre stage following months of debate about the location, structure and cost of Thomas Heatherwick’s bridge.

Oh, the ‘debate’ (or rather, the sniping and whinging) will rage on in the pages of the increasingly-irrelevant left-learning press. But the architects and builders will simply get on with their jobs.

From south to north, the five landscape areas start with a nod to the species once common on the former marshes of the South Bank, where Samuel Pepys spoke of walking through water meadows and willow beds to get to Greenwich.

This will be followed by the South Glade, a woodland featuring plants known for spring blossom and autumn fruit. The area over the central span will be known as the Scarp and is designed to create an environment similar to a cliff top landscape.

The North Glade will be a second woodland area “drawing inspiration from the parks and gardens of old London.”

The final North Bank landscape will echo nearby Temple Gardens with scented late winter and early spring flowering shrubs. They will reflect the former gardens in the area, which were populated with olives and figs and roses brought back by the Knights Templar in the 12th century and cultivated until Victorian times.

It sounds utterly enchanting – roll on 2018!

No, Judge David Owen-Jones, You Aren’t Thinking At All…

Margaret Allgood, 35, admitted using her van to force a people carrier into the oncoming lane of Somnes Avenue, Canvey, while three times over the drink-drive limit.

Judge David Owen-Jones warned Allgood he thought she should go to prison, but said he would give her four weeks to attend an antibinge drinking course for the sake of her children.

Actually, drink was the least of her issues..!

Allgood, who had been drinking vodka and lager through the day, started swerving and flashing her lights, so Mr Bradbry slowed to 30mph.

She pulled alongside, then swerved towards Mr Bradbry’s vehicle twice, forcing him on to the verge to avoid a crash. Mr Bradbry accelerated in a bid to get away, but she caught him at the Waterside Farm roundabout, sped up the filter lane and swerved towards him again, as he entered Somnes Avenue, forcing him into the oncoming lane. He slowed, in a bid to let Allgood pass, but she slowed too, to prevent him turning in.

Allgood rammed Mr Bradbry’s Galaxy, pushing the side of the car for three or four seconds. Mr Bradbry, scared he would be forced off the road, pulled up and confronted Allgood, who punched his arm and kicked his vehicle.

A man who acted in this fashion would be picking his teeth up from the floor. But no doubt Allgood relied on general reluctance to hit a woman to get away with this behaviour.

Allgood, who admitted at Basildon Crown Court driving with excess alcohol, dangerous driving and common assault, is due to be sentenced on May 29.

It’ll be another soft sentence for someone using the fact they've procreated as a ‘get out of jail free’ card…

If Nappies Do ‘Evolve Into Semi-Simian Creatures’…

…maybe we can hire them as science teachers?

Dagenham Park science teacher Martin Blake uploaded a recital of Dustbin Strikes to Youtube. In it, the bespectacled wordsmith rails against pig heads left in bin bags across the borough and calls for the council to grant GMB’s demands before residents are left “swimming” in municipal waste.

Clearly, they couldn’t do a worse job…

Writing it is in everyone’s interests to pay bin workers a “fair wage” , he tells the council to end the “appalling state of affairs” so discarded nappies stop “learning to evolve into semi-simian creatures”, which he claims they have mastered in the “millennia since the last bin collection”.

How about simply suggesting that the bin workers get back to work, Martin?

He told the Post strikers deserve admiration.

“I’m absolutely in support of the strikers,” he said. “I appreciate that at this time the government are making cuts but I don’t think you should cut rubbish bin services.

“They do a job none of us are willing to do and I’m in absolute admiration of what they do – the council are being tight with their money.”

I almost wish the council would say ‘You’re right! We’ll give in. The extra money will come from the schools budget…’, don’t you?

Cllr Dominic Twomey, cabinet member for finance, says giving in would be financially irresponsible when making savings is essential.

“There is no way we will let the GMB hold us or our residents to ransom,” he said.

I drove through some of the area last weekend, and couldn’t help but think that all the rubbish and rotting food strewn around the streets was simply helping to make the growing Somali population feel more at home…

Now, That’s What I Call Justice..!

A 24-year-old who attacked and sexually assaulted a teenager in an alleyway has had his testicles removed…

Hardcore!

… after he was diagnosed with cancer while in custody.

Ah. Oh, well.

Yes, There's No Substitute For Proof-Reading Is There?

It does catch all those little typos that slip past Spellcheck, after all...

Gritty New Urban Remake Of 'Cinderella' Looks Promising...

Oo-er!

Sunday Funnies...

We've heard similar stories on 'Antiques Roadshow'...

Leftism – It’s A Mental Disorder

Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett outlines this perfectly:

This weekend has, for me, been like the most savage of hangovers. Waves of despair, punctuated by panic, anxiety, paranoia, and fear. A profound weltschmerz and a curious lack of appetite, not to mention a high-pitched monotone in my left ear that sadly, this time, cannot be put down to our decrepit fridge.

Good lord!

I keep remembering and then forgetting; a welcome pleasant thought will be interrupted by the terrifying reminder of what they are going to do to the Human Rights Act. As my father said, “It’s all too awful.”

I can see where you get it from, Rhiannon…

I wonder how many of you, up and down the country, have been trying to hold it together too. I retained my composure for most of Friday, despite no sleep, despite returning home with the birdsong to tell my boyfriend, a public sector worker, the bad news, which he met by rolling over, saying sleepily but with cold certainty, “Well that’s my job gone, then.”

Oh, really? What, the first act of the new government would be to personally sack your boyfriend, would it?

I held it together on College Green during a BBC World Service segment and, later, as I jokingly discussed with friends which sunny, socialist paradise we would decamp to before they shut the borders. I finally broke down properly at around 6pm on Friday, when I allowed myself, finally, to think about my little brother, who is severely disabled, and what might happen to him. Whether I should grab him and run for the hills so that we could camp down together under warm, soft blankets and not come down again until the bad people have gone.

‘The bad people’...? Christ, how old is she?

There’s something vaguely embarrassing about crying about the government. It buys into a stereotype of left-leaning people as overly emotional and childlike in their naive idealism and belief that there is a better way to run the country than cutting services to the bone. But those of us who cried over the election result should not feel embarrassed.

No, no, you should. You really, really should!

There are some who are saying that Labour was too left-wing, yet unlike the SNP, it failed to challenge austerity in any meaningful way, failed to encourage the passionate pride we should be taking in our welfare state. It failed to tell the stories of those who suffered most. It failed to listen.

I think it was the voters who decided not to listen. And I can’t blame them.

The deliciousness of this article is only increased by this footnote:

• This article was amended on 11 May 2015 to remove an incorrect statement that in 2014, government figures showed that 10,600 people had died within six months of being found fit for work by Atos.

ROFL!

Fallout…

Some people are getting it:

The Conservative victory came as a surprise only to those who focused too much on the deluge of numbers and data, the TV knockabout of he-said-she-said arguments, and the manufactured campaign moments – and not on the real reactions of people in their actual communities, far from the Westminster village.

Ah, those bigoted men and women, you mean? Yes, I can see why the political class did their level best to steer clear of them…

This election has weakened my faith in opinion polls and news packages, and affirmed my belief in the power of the humble vox pop. Vox populi, “voice of the people” – the phrase has become a bit of a dirty word in journalism, the job you send the junior reporter to go and do. But we need to reclaim it, and rediscover the art of speaking to the public – this applies to both our politicians and our media. Politics is, after all, a social science. It cannot rely on quantitative findings, but needs meaningful, direct encounters with people to understand what is going on.

Little use you trying to ‘understand’ if you then simply ignore?

But it seems even Suzanne Moore, of all people, has seen the writing on the Facebook wall:

In the echo chambers some of us inhabit online, everyone not only votes Labour but crows about it in 140 characters. I love social media and think it is brilliant in all kinds of ways for connecting us, but its limitations have been clearly shown in this election. Declaring one’s allegiances is fine if you understand who you are declaring them to. No one really does. Hope soon changed on election night into disbelieving, angry tweets. Is there an emoji for howling? All of this happened in self-selecting universes.

*chuckles*

Many of us got things wrong, not just the pollsters. The ones who got it a bit right are those who stepped out of the bubbles. A lot of media reported the debate going on within the media, or on TV. All meta-meta, but when I watched the filmed reports of my colleagues, John Harris and John Domokos, going round the country – talking to people instead of tweeting at them – the sense of doom and uncertainty was apparent.

*chuckles harder*

The England that was not keen on Labour was there in those shopping-centre car parks, those emptied-out Ballardian landscapes. This feeling I recognised from talking to Ukip supporters during happy hour in a theme pub in Ramsgate. The gap between what people were saying, and how this was reflected so little on social media, is something we need to understand. Or we literally are talking to ourselves.

And the ‘Guardian’ and ‘Indy’ circulation figures will tell you that that’s a very small audience.

"Who Let The Dogs In (Who, Who, Who, Who?)..."

Refreshingly candid statement regarding the smuggled-in pet dogs of sleb Johnny Depp:

The agriculture minister said no one should be able to bypass biosecurity rules, even if they had been voted the world’s sexiest man twice.

“It’s time that Pistol and Boo buggered off back to the United States,” Joyce said. “He [Depp] can put them on the same chartered jet he flew out on to fly them back out of our nation.”

/cheer

Of course, the opposition immediately attacked not the arrogant sleb, but the public sector workers who fumbled the ball:

The immigration minister, Peter Dutton, admitted there had been an error somewhere in the customs process in letting the dogs in.

“They should be screened like everyone else,” Dutton told 2GB radio on Thursday morning. “We’re having a look at this at the moment.”

I hope there are similarly robust consequences for the hapless Customs staff, if Depp has been the recipient of preferential treatment.

Naturally, Australia has it's fair share of dumb creatures, and some of them have Internet:

An online petition calling on the minister to save the dogs was signed by more than 600 people in its first hour.

The author of the petition, 27-year old Sydney woman Namita Sopal, told Guardian Australia she hoped it would start an online movement to put pressure on the government to withdraw its “cruel” threat.

“I love dogs and I thought it was crazy, so that was my motivation,” she said.

If you really loved dogs, you'd know exactly who to blame, wouldn't you, Namita?

Joyce acknowledged that his tough stance on the issue would come with consequences.

“After that, I don’t expect to be invited to the opening of Pirates of the Caribbean,” he said.

Winning!

Update: Mike at 'Orphans' gets into the scriptwriting business...

Tell Us Again How Prison Is Tough And Brutalising, Howard League For Penal Reform…

Defending Hawkins, Mr De Feu said: “He is an unusual young man in that throughout this whole experience he has embraced the idea of being in custody.

“He finds a settled, happy lifestyle in prison that he can’t find in liberty, which is so sad at the age of 26.”

It’s pretty sad for those of us paying for it, yes. And also for those of us providing this waste of oxygen’s route back inside:

While Hawkins stabbed Adam Cyruszys as he lay on the floor, the two teenagers punched and kicked him, making sure he could not stand up.

The judge said Hawkins stabbed him so hard in the back that his knife blade got stuck and the handle came away in his hand.

Mr Cyruszys’ life was saved when he was taken to hospital.

Lovely.

Mr Pringle told Hawkins he would serve at least two thirds of his 12-year sentence and then only be released if it was deemed safe.

He said he accepted that Reid, of Verney Road, Banbury, and the 17-year-old had “nothing to do with the knifing”, but said their actions were still unacceptable.

As he gave them their three years in prison each, he added: “I’ve reduced it as much as I can.”

Why..?

The State Is Not Your Friend....

...unless you're one of the child abusing underclass like Baby Peter's family, of course.

Then it's still not your friend, but it'll leave you alone to pursue other targets. Like a nice middle-class family from Australia:

Of course, there are always two sides to any story and the social worker — having been alerted by the school — must have been alarmed that a nine-year-old child had made such a remark.

Really? Doesn't such over-dramatic exclamation come with being a child these days?

The Seymours see it differently.

‘We kept asking ourselves: “How can a servant of the state act in such an aggressive, offensive, invasive and draconian manner on the uncorroborated word of a disorientated small girl?”’ says Alan.

Hey, if they can act on the uncorroborated word of some anonymous complaint from someone who follows you on Twitter, why the surprise?

‘We made our own mistakes as well. In our naivety and relaxed Australian honesty, we did tell the social worker when she visited that the girls were difficult to handle on occasions, but that we were dealing with it.’

Yet as a result of the couple’s honesty, Victoria was ordered to attend a series of ‘Child in Need’ meetings with both girls to have her parenting skills assessed by Bridport children’s services.

She was warned by social workers that if she did not turn up or was deemed to be ‘unco-operative’, the state had powers to take the girls into care and put them up for adoption.

I wonder if other such parents are similarly dealt with? Nah. Perish the thought...

When the meetings did not materialise on three occasions because social workers failed to arrive, had not been briefed or were on holiday, the Seymours dared to hope their nightmare had passed and would prove to be just a hiccup in their lives. But they could not have been more wrong.

Clearly, alarm bells don't ring when the family avoids social workers, unlike the other way around...

The girls were increasingly unhappy and disruptive in class. At home, the Seymours were also battling with their behaviour. Less than a year after the family had arrived from Australia, in early June 2013, Georgia started the social services’ ball rolling again when she told a teacher she was ‘too frightened to go home’.

The night before, she and her sister had been warned they would be grounded the following weekend without TV or computers. ‘We think the threat of being grounded was the catalyst,’ says Alan. ‘Normally we would tick them off and the whole incident would be forgotten within an hour.

Oh no. Far from it. You see, being grounded with no TV doesn't count as 'culturally appropriate child rearing', unlike other practices.

To the horror of Victoria and Alan, immediately after Georgia’s unfortunate remark, the girls were marched out of school and sent to a foster home.

A fortnight later, there was a conference called by Bridport social services, which decided they would be placed under a care protection order. A report afterwards stated: ‘We are of the view that while there was no specific injury to either of the children, there are clearly issues around child safety according to statements made by the girls.’

No according to any actual proof of anything, just according to their statements. Welcome to the post-Savile world!

Frustrated and upset, Alan and Victoria wrote to Bridport children’s services saying they wanted the girls returned to them ‘within 24 hours’. The response was ‘swift and merciless’, they say.

Social workers successfully applied for an emergency protection order, formalising the fostering arrangement at the local court. During the rest of the summer, the girls were moved from one foster placement to another, and were begging, in phone calls, to come home.

If you don't feel a bit of satisfaction at that, you wouldn't be human. I think the girls might have a new-found appreciation for their parents now, eh?

Allowed only occasional weekend visits to their parents, the girls were saying they were frightened at the foster homes.

Twice, they had bruises on their faces and bodies, which social workers insisted was because they had been fighting each other.

The girls told an entirely different story to their parents.

I wonder what it was? And I wonder why uncorroborated statements about anyone oyther than their parents aren't seemed as 'alarming' by social workers?

Today, Alan says from Australia: ‘We admit we were very lucky compared with other families living in or visiting your country.

‘We fear the vast majority of children taken by social services never get back to their birth families again.

...

Finally, he adds: ‘We believe the only reason we got back the girls is because we fought the social workers every step of the way.’

They are suing. Expect the usual excuses.And for no 'lessons to be learned'.

Let's Have More Judges Like Judge Christopher Prince...

Judge Christopher Prince said the married 35-year-old had shown no remorse for her actions and an “utter disregard verging on vindictiveness” towards her employer of 15 months.

He said the fact she had young children was not enough to stop her going to prison, adding: “Without sounding hard-hearted they are her children and when she was stealing this money she knew she may go to prison.

“It is her job to think of them more than it is my job. Good mothers do not put themselves at risk of being sent to prison by repeatedly offending.”

Well said!

Mr Perkins asked for three months for his client to come up with a repayment plan and identify ways to free up cash, including moving into cheaper rented accommodation.

Why? Hasn't she had long enough while awaiting trial?

Outside of court, Mr Young said: “You cannot run a business like ours without trusting people. She has shown no remorse; we’ve heard nothing from her.

“When you are 53 and know you will be working the rest of your working life, getting up at 4.30am, to pay off debts because someone has stolen from you it is a bitter pill to swallow.”

Indeed it is.

Gaming 1993: "Gabriel Knight: Sins Of The Fathers" (Dell 486)

Moving on up to a 486 (a Ferrari of a machine, in those days!) and I remember the brand well - it was a Dell, and I stuck with this brand for the next few years.

The game is the original 'Gabriel Knight', a point & click from Sierra Games similar to last month's 'Indiana Jones' game, but with celebrity voices, a marvellous soundtrack  and a voodoo plot that was totally immersive.


It went on to spawn two sequels (which I also played) dealing with werewolves and - of course! - the Knights Templar, and I would love to see a new game featuring the same characters with modern rendering!

You can see progression in PC games in this series quite clearly – the initial game was a point & click with cell-shaded graphics, the second used a lot of the dreaded video cutscenes, and by the time the third and last rolled around, we were into 3D environment (albeit a rudimentary one, by modern standards).

A Stopped Clock...

...that's Sir Peter Soulsby, usually appearing on this blog for the wrong reasons, but here, spot on about this issue:

Leicester Council say this is not true and city mayor Sir Peter Soulsby said he has 'no intention of compromising on the CCTV'.

Hmmmm. Irristible force meets immovable object?

He told the Mercury: 'After we have spent this much money on these sites there's no way we are not going to protect that investment.

'It's particularly strange to hear an argument about privacy from people who have chosen to live on grass verges and traffic islands across the city.'

Heh! Nice one.

Carlym Quantrill, who represents the gypsy and traveller community, said: 'All of the cameras have the potential to show an aspect of every single plot.'

She added: 'It's a great shame that people have waited so long for this fantastic opportunity and it's been messed up at the last minute because of these spying cameras.'

You mean the same sort of CCTV that the rest of us have to put up with? Welcome to the real world.

The Horror, The Horror…

Racist graffiti scrawled across the seafront at Thorpe Bay has shocked residents and visitors alike.

Shocked, they are. Shocked!

The unknown graffiti artist has covered a tram shelter, posters and a popular viewpoint with racist symbols, scribbled in black marker.

A Nazi swastika has been drawn across the face of a poster advertising a Charley Pride gig at Westcliff’s Cliffs Pavilion, and the neo-Nazi white power symbol can be seen on the tram shelter near Thorpe Hall Avenue.

Oh, the humanity! Surely such a calamity has never before fallen on this beautiful part of the Essex coast?

Bob Craven, chairman of the Tram Stop Shelter charity, said: “Any graffiti that has anything racist or homophobic is totally unacceptable to us.

“As an organisation, we welcome all groups of people without exception. Any graffiti on the shelter is one piece too many, but I find this quite appalling.”

Yes! This isn’t just any graffiti, this is racist graffiti! The official Worst Thing In The World™.

A passerby, who did not wish to be named, photographed the graffiti.

He said: “I’m on a break from East London and it was a nasty shock to see such graffiti.

“It is appalling, but I know it is not representative of the Southend area, and such views have no place in 2015.”

Gosh! Well, that explains it. Coming from East London, he’ll be totally unfamiliar with graffiti…

Steve Goodsell, manager for education charity Show Racism the Red Card’s southern branch, based in Southend, said: “Unfortunately there is still a minority of these racist views out there and the people who did it may not really believe these things. They are just trying to make a shock statement, or it could be linked to the run-up to the election.

“We do not tolerate it. We abhor it and I know most right-minded people in Southend feel the same way, and long may that be the case.

“We would like to find out who these people are and put them in a room with some of our educators who are ex-footballers who have experienced racism. We are not here to lecture, but we want to challenge their opinions.”

And…how do you plan to do that, other than by lecturing? Or, more accurately, hectoring?

Essex Police confirmed they are investigating the incident and ask for anyone with information to call them on 101.

Well, I’m quite sure the residents of Thorpe Bay will sleep much more soundly knowing that Essex Police are on the case…

Yes, Dear, It’s All About You….

A teenager* has condemned a disturbing new craze where people suck shot glasses to blow up their lips to double their size which has been hitting the internet.

The reportedly painful “Kylie Jenner Challenge” works by using the airlock created to increase blood flow to the lips. The aim is to emulate the celebrity and model’s bee-stung pout.

However, for many this goes too far, leaving their mouths bruised, cut and bleeding.

Well, hoorah! For once, a teenager* has had the maturity to stand up and tell their peers what idiots they are by…

Wait.

Hannah Walker, from Preston Park, Brighton, has criticised the craze, saying it is hurtful and upsetting for people like herself who suffer from a rare condition that can lead to cut and swollen lips.

Ahhhh. The penny has dropped.

Clearly, she could care less about the damage other teenagers* might be causing themselves. It’s all about her feeeeewings….

“It is bad enough having Crohn’s of my intestines, but at least that is hidden beneath my skin. OFG is an incredibly obvious condition and makes me very self-conscious.

“It can be devastating to a sufferer’s self-esteem and cause bullying and loneliness.

“So when they see people laughing and joking about this challenge and mocking each other about how they look, it can be extremely hurtful.”

Ms Walker said the craze was making her anxieties over her health conditions increase.

Clearly, though, she’s perfectly happy babbling intimate details to the press?

*the paper describes her as a ‘teenager’, yet her age is given as 23. Now, maybe it’s me, but…?

What’s In A Name?

Quite a lot, it would seem:

Determined residents have won a battle against council plans to rename streets on their estate.

Yes, it’s this story again. With a happy ending, for once.

Following a hearing at Basildon Magistrates’ Court, Judge Gareth Branston ruled the scheme must be scrapped.

He also ordered Basildon Council to pay £9,500 to Five Links Residents’ Association and Frank Ferguson, Ukip councillor for Lee Chapel North, to cover the costs of their legal battle.

He should have mandated it came out of their own pockets. Or certainly out of the pocket of the ‘councillor for communities’:

The renaming plans were put forward by Terri Sargent, Basildon councillor responsible for communities, who believed it would make the estate easier to navigate for the emergency services.

She also hoped it would help the estate, which has been known as Alcatraz since it was built in the Seventies, shake off its negative image.

Cross-party councillors backed a motion to scrap the renaming scheme six months ago, but Mrs Sargent ignored the vote and used her powers to push through the decision.

Yup, pushing through a cosmetic change for the benefit of others with no regards to the feelings of the ‘inmates’ is how you help people feel like they aren’t in prison in Terri’s world, clearly…

A spokesman for Basildon Council said: “Having received the courts decision we will now evaluate the judgment and consider our options. ”

Mrs Sargent declined to comment.

Not got a lot to say for yourself now, have you?

Put The Custodian Down Too….

…as a ginger pot smoker, he’s of less value to society than the mutt:

Tyler Bygraves appeared at Crawley Magistrates' Court last Thursday to be sentenced for being the person in charge of a dog dangerously out of control causing injury to another.

The 20-year-old had previously pleaded guilty to being responsible for a black and white Staffie called Shanker (Ed: !!!) on October 12 last year when it bit a woman and her dog in Heather Walk, Broadfield.

A nasty, vicious attack, at that:

The four-and-a-half-year-old dog left the victim, Kimberley Evans, requiring hospital treatment and caused "life threatening" injuries to her West Highland terrier after "flinging it from side to side".

Happily for the victim, Crawley Police are a lot more on the ball that the useless sacks of blood and flesh at Essex Police:

Defence solicitor Geoff White told the court Bygraves, from Seaford Road, in Broadfield, had been rolling himself a cannabis cigarette when he lost control of the lead because Shanker bit him.

He said: "Mr Bygraves is extremely keen on animals but because he cannot have a dog of his own he offers to walk Shanker. "

/facepalm

"He was being relatively responsible, he was not allowing the dog to run freely. "He just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time."

Yeah, yeah, could have happened to any pothead in nominal charge of a dangerous dog, couldn’t it?

The court heard an animal behaviourist had been called in to assess Shanker. Mr Kateley said: "Shanker bit the sleeve of the behaviourist, who also tested him with a rag doll that looked like a baby and made a crying noise.

"When the button was pushed to make the doll cry out the dog immediately jumped up and grabbed the doll before shaking it around.

"Its attitude towards other dogs has been aggressive in kennels so it has had to be segregated and secluded."

I think we can conclude that’s a ‘FAIL’ on the temperament test then?

After deliberating for more than half an hour the bench of magistrates decided the Staffie should be destroyed.

Bygraves was sentenced to a community order with a six-week curfew from 9pm to 7am each day.

He must also pay the victim £250 in compensation, £85 court costs and a £60 victim surcharge.

I’m only amazed it took them that long.

Such A Tragedy And A Mystery…Or Is It?

The family of a man who died after falling from a roof have spoken of their heartbreak and shock at his death.

Labourer Christopher Windiate, aged 52, was rushed to hospital shortly after 9.30am after he fell from the roof of a disused barn at Court Farm, Hindlip Lane, Hindlip, last Wednesday (April 22). Despite the efforts of ambulance crews and medics, Mr Windiate suffered a "significant head injury" and cardiac arrest, and despite treatment he died in Birmingham's Queen Elizabeth Hospital.

Sophie Windiate, one of Mr Windiate's children, said his death "still doesn't seem real". She said: "It was such a shock to me. Not having a text or phone call daily from dad is strange. I want to thank him for everything he did for me and my son, Kayden. If he wasn't helping someone he was winding someone up. He will be missed by all of us.

"He lived in Worcester his whole life, he went to Samuel Southall Secondary School. Dad liked gardening but working was his main hobby. He loved his motorbike — that was his life. He liked going out for meals, to bingo, to car boot sales and markets. He also loved spending time with his kids, grandkids and the rest of his family.

"We love him lots and will miss him always."

A puzzle. A much loved family man is dead, and the newspaper offers no background. Thanks to the comment section, however....

Gareth Walters, defending, hoped Windiate's guilty plea would bring some relief to the victim. Alcohol and bereavement had led to the offence and he wanted help to stop the same situation occurring again in the future.

Well, I think he’s achieved that now.

Oh Deer, Oh Deer, Oh Deer....

Plurals iz hard..!

Catweazel Goes Postal!

Officers say the boy was recording his friend as he skateboarded along the road when a man driving a dark-coloured Vauxhall car appeared to try and run the boy off the road.

The boy then shouted and the man stopped his car and approached him.

He grabbed the boy before pushing him to the ground and standing on his ankle and foot.

The man then also made the boy delete the footage from his camera before leaving the scene in his car.

The man is described as white, aged about 40, about 6ft 5ins tall and of a large build. He had a long ginger beard and was wearing a hat, jeans and a jacket.

Blimey!

Plenty of people in the comments point out that the footage is recoverable. Deleted, in these modern times, doesn't always mean gone for good...

H/T: wiggia via email

Sunday Funnies...

Maybe so, but who is it who writes history again..? It's not the losers!

Giving Up The Fight..?

Over the Easter Bank Holiday, these signs started appearing on pavements all around Southend, in green or blue or red, depending on pavement type. Is it me, or is this the equivalent of a waved white flag to the two-wheeled menace?

Have they given up expecting people to use the many cycle lanes laid out for them, and are now simply resorting to this pathetic appeal for decency that – if they were capable of it – wouldn’t even be necessary?

Mind The Gap Special Interest Group…

Transport for All (TfA) members raised concerns regarding Mr Johnson’s Fit for the Future plan, which involve closing all 301 ticket offices and making 897 ticket officers redundant by next spring.

Imtiaz Patel, a visually-impaired TfA member who was forced into early retirement because of his disability, said he regularly has problems at East Ham station and that this move will only make things worse.

“I need assistance just to get down the stairs,” he said. “Nine-hundred job cuts is going to mean there are less people around to help (Ed: Fewer, damn you!). It’s going to have a major impact and make it even more difficult to travel – it’s a big disappointment.

“We don’t know what assistance will be at the other end of our journeys instead of ticket offices.”

But if they aren't stuck in the ticket booth then surely...?

Transport for London (TfL) claims redeploying remaining ticket officers will benefit passengers.

“They can serve the public better around the station than stuck in an office,” a spokesman said.

“There will be more people than ever before to assist in public areas.”

Hurrah! Problem solved!

But Imtiaz still has reservations, adding: “The font on the machines is too small – they’re so stressful to use.”

Life is stressful. Get over it.

The 'Guardian' Hits Peak Derangement...

Seriously, 'Guardian'? A politician you don't like kisses his wife and this is 'sickening'..?

Such A (Qualified) Relief...

Still early here at time of drafting (5:30 am), but the 'Guardian' seems to be calling it:

The biggest shock so far? Labour losing Gower! I guess even sheep can finally wake up to what the shepherd is really up to....

Prediction? Miliband gone by lunchtime. That's mine. How about you?

Decision Day

Well, it's here. And I know most of my readers won't be voting Labour.

But....on the offchance that someone you know is voting Labour, please remind them that this will be what they are voting for:

Gender politics being thrown under the bus when there's a medieval death cult to pander to -

Harriet Harman has given a partial justification of a gender-segregated Labour election rally, saying it was “better than a men-only meeting” and it would have been “rude” to boycott it.

'Islamaphobia' to become a crime -

...if it becomes an offence in English law to experience and express fear of Islam, many more of us may be unable to tell the truth without becoming criminals.

And as a result of that, this sort of behaviour to become commonplace in the UK -

“It would take me much longer than I’ve got to explain biraderi politics in Bradford, clan-based politics, and people actually do deliver 20, 30, 50 votes. Through their extended families, what tends to happen is, the kind of head of the household, or the kind of head of the clan, makes a decision how they’ll vote. So if somebody, in I don’t know, Penge (South London) said I could deliver you 50 votes you would laugh. But here . . . it’s true. They deliver bundles of votes.”

And if they are OK with that as a consequence of what they no doubt see as Labour rewarding them with someone else's money, then that's fine. But they can't say they've not been warned.

Do I think Call Me Dave will necessarily be better placed to stem the tide? No, frankly. I'm with DumbJon on that score. It seems we have an unenviable task of deciding between a quick capitulation to the forces of progressivism, or a slower, longer drawn out one.

So I'm casting my vote accordingly. Good luck, everyone. I think this might well turn out to be one of the most important elections of the 21st century.

Dirty Hippies In ‘Drugs Are Bad, M’Kay?’ Shocker!

No, no. Not bad for those reasons, silly!

Seemingly objecting most to the silver canisters left behind by users of the legal high, Liz Eliot, the co-ordinator of Glastonbury’s Green Fields, wrote a statement for music fans warning that nitrous oxide is also nearly 300 times more damaging to the atmosphere than carbon dioxide.

The message, which she posted online, says that Glastonbury “has become known as a place where people take nitrous oxide, a damaging drug which pollutes our beautiful field with noise, litter and N20 gas”.

Two tonnes of empty canisters were reportedly picked up in the aftermath of Glastonbury 2014, an apparently unacceptable state of affairs for those who see the King's Meadow area, which is also known as the Stone Circle, as a spiritually important location.

Well. My flabber is now officially ghasted.

Unlucky In Love...

Miss Eastwood was the former partner of Kevin McKinley, who was killed with a shotgun in Overy Street, Dartford in February 2013.

Oh dear. Once is unfortunate, but....

Following the discovery of Miss Eastwood's body, a 30-hour man hunt took place to find Caird, who had gone into hiding. He was found the next day in the attic of his empty house after he had broken back in.

Officers interviewed Caird for two-and-a-half hours. He sat in silence throughout.

Hmmm....

What is it with women and unsuitable men? Is it some 'moth to flame' effect?