…not that it’s ever likely to work well for a murder either, mind you:
Marcus Banwell made the mistake of eating his red hot haul from Singh Stores in Bristol before trying to make his escape.
Bristol magistrates heard that within a matter of seconds, the 39-year-old was coughing and being sick as the fiery food took effect.
The owner of the shop was alerted to the commotion on August 4 and followed Banwell outside onto the street, where he was arrested by police a short while later.
He’d been a busy boy:
Prosecuter May Li said when officers searched Banwell they found another four chilli peppers in his pocket, a stolen milk shake and fruit juice, and a clarinet stashed in his waist-band, which was missing from a music shop.
It’ll come as no surprise whatsoever that he’s an incorrigible drug addict, of course.
Ms Li said police also found paper wraps containing a small amount of crack cocaine and small amount of heroin on Banwell.
And with a record as long as your arm:
Banwell, from Fishponds, Bristol, admitted possessing two class A drugs, three shop thefts, receiving stolen goods and breaching his licence from a previous prison sentence.
Of course, that doesn’t mean his defence won’t try all
the old excuses.
Mitigating, Emily Evans said her client had serious issues with drugs and alcohol that he did want to address.
I’m sure. He just fails to actually get around to addressing them
. Again and again and again…
Ms Li said Banwell had been caught for a total of 43 previous theft-related offences since 1989.
I like the inclusion of the explanatory ‘been caught’. How many offences did he get away with?
Ms Evans said Banwell had not been receiving his benefits since March and had stolen food and drink to feed himself, not for any financial gain.
And the clarinet? Did he plan to eat that too?
Presiding magistrate Rachel Simmons told him: 'You have continued to offend while subject to your licence and other court orders, so we really do not have any other option but to make a further custodial sentence.'
Sounds like they were rather sorry their hands were tied, doesn’t it?
Stupid boy. If he's got no money for food what he should have done is pop into the cop shop and steal something like a pen from it. Straight into the cells. Straight into jail. Oh look!, free food.
I'd like to see him try to hide a trombone about his person.
I could help him with that!
"Just bend over here a moment"
He probably thought the Clarinet was a liquorice stick ;-)
Nice one Robert the B!.
another four chilli peppers in his pocket, a stolen milk shake and fruit juice, and a clarinet
Quite a night out, that was.
"Oh look!, free food."
And it'll be low-salt, healthy stuff too, I'm sure..!
I could help him with that!"
"Quite a night out, that was."
"Is that a clarinet below your waistband, or are you just pleased to see me?"
The clarinet was incase he had to win favour with a difficult child to make his escape...
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