The Future Looks Less Bright Than I'd Hoped...

After Mr Johnstone was cleared today, Chairman of the bench Richard Blake questioned why the case had ever made it to court.

Mr Blake said: 'Judges can say inappropriate things at this point from the bench as to whether the prosecution should be brought.

'I do invite those who brought the prosecution to pause and consider the evidence we had in this case - whether this prosecution would have been brought if this happened in a tea room, at a bus station, and whether it was appropriate to bring this prosecution. I can say no more than that.

'I do invite people to consider the course of events which has led to this case coming before me.'

Which is politely-couched legalese for 'What the bloody hell were you idiots thinking?'

Chief Inspector Andrew Johnstone was acquitted of assault by battery on Metropolitan Police colleague Penny Mills today.

Assault, eh? Did he slap her? Throw a drink in her face?

The court heard Ms Mills did not see the incident, but felt she was jolted from behind as she attended a senior officers' leadership workshop at New Scotland Yard on January 17.

I'd like to bring assault charges against about a hundred thousand London commuters then. And I dare fay a fair few of them will have a case against me.

We'll draw a discreet veil over the New Year sales, lest I find myself in the dock at the Hague.

And in case you think that was the most ridiculous thing in this story...

Ms Mills told the court she was initially unaware a crime had taken place, and was only informed of the culprit when her colleague Detective Chief Inspector Claire Moxon said Mr Johnstone 'appeared to' crash into her deliberately.

So we have 'senior leaders' in the police farces who are unaware exactly what a crime is?

The court heard Ms Mills had already complained to bosses about Mr Johnstone's behaviour when he was their line manager in the Met's roads and transport policing command. But she was overlooked for promotion to the senior role in favour of Mr Johnstone, a chief inspector qualified at superintendent level but without a posting at that rank, prosecutor Philip Stott said.

I think I see the smoking gun there, your honour. And is anyone else surprised at the rapid decline of the police farces, given that these are 'senior leaders?

I know Tim Newman won't be.