Tweet Of The Month

Post Title Of The Month

DumbJon knocks it out of the park again:

Quote Of The Month

Longrider liberates his property: 

"I took an hour or so out of my morning to trundle down into Bristol to sort out the unclaimed assets. There were two accounts involved; one in my name and one in joint names with the late Mrs L. As it was, it only took a few minutes and I was walking away with a cheque for just under ninety quid. Not a lot in the grand scheme of things, but the principle is what matters here. I did not consent to money being taken by a quango set up by Snotgobbler Brown to be used for ‘good causes.’ So I made damned well that none of it gets into their greedy, grubby, thieving little fingers."

Post Of The Month

Mark Wadsworth on unintended consequences...or were they?

Well, Not Quite, 'Chinx'....

"To me, it is similar to a James Bond film,” he says. “James Bond is an MI5 officer who does contract killings. Yeah. So I mean, that’s his job as a profession when you make a whole movie out of it and make it seem like it’s cool to go around killing. All you can control is what you can control – me as an individual. I can’t control what someone else is going to do based on my lyrics.”

I mean, it's not like we have tooled up urban yoof going to war on the streets of London over the relative merits of Sam Smith's 'Writing's On The Wall' vs Rita Cooledge's 'All Time High', is it? 

We have postcode wars instead. So my sympathies are entire with the cops who have to listen to your warblings... 

So, We Can All Swear At Police Cars Now..?

The Met has admitted it was "clearly wrong" for an officer to tell a cyclist who swore at a police car that he had broken the law.

Or is it only cyclists that can swear at police cars with impunity?

The cyclist told the officers to "get out of the f***ing way" when he was forced into the road by their unmarked car parked in the bus and cycle lane on Wandsworth Bridge. After pulling the father over one officer said: "Swearing in the street with two small children. You're committing public order offences with your kids."

He accused the cyclist of being "inconsiderate and stupid" and said there are people "who will stab you" for swearing at them.

All undoubtedly true...

The officer added: "If we weren't police and we were the wrong type of people... if I overran you because we are the wrong type of people, you want to put your kids' lives at risk?"

Probably, it does seem to be a thing certain cyclists love to do, after all.

Getting It The Wrong Way Round, Leicestershire Police?

Leicestershire Police said an officer from its road policing unit (RPU) attempted to stop a black BMW shortly before 4am this morning on a residential Leicester road. The force said a pursuit was then authorised but a short time later the BMW – which was travelling 'county-bound' – collided with a tree close to the junction of Aylestone Road and Richmond Avenue.

So far, so ho hum...

An officer was arrested on suspicion of driving while unfit through drugs following a routine roadside drugs test conducted as part of the force's investigation. Leicestershire Police said the officer has since been released from custody while more detailed blood tests are carried out.

/facepalm 

Stand By For British 'Justice'...

Romain La Pierre, 20, has been found guilty of murder and robbery. Jordan Tcheuko, 19, has been found guilty of manslaughter and robbery. Pierre, of Celia Road in NE26, and Tcheuko, of St. Johns Road in Wembley, will be sentenced with the 16-year-old boy on December 2 at the Old Bailey.

Let's look at these two fine specimens of 'manhood': 

 *sighs* What sentence can they expect for this?

On July 31, the trio and some associates called a mini-cab at Fieldend Road in Streatham. When the taxi arrived, the group held a knife to the driver’s throat and robbed his phone and car. They then travelled in convoy with two mopeds on a “hunt for rivals” – which led to a crime spree in Croydon.

The first home was no longer lived in by the person they were searching for and a woman woke up to find a masked man in her bedroom. At the second address the group could not get in and so moved on.

At the third address in Bracken Avenue, the group kicked down the door to Camron’s home and chased him to his mother’s bedroom. They then murdered him with knives.

Will it be appropriate? What do you think, Reader? 

3...2...1...Back In The Room!

Computer issues resolved! *touches all the wood in the study*

No Matter How Hard You Blow...

...you won't get gas through cables!

H/T: David Bain (The Jannie) via email

Science Lessons With The 'Mail'...

Ummm, what!? Are we making up our own elements now?

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

Sunday Funnies...

It hadn't occurred to me that the longbow was so named to differentiate it...

Proportionate And Just..?

Vincent Reynouard, 53, was arrested in Anstruther, Fife on Thursday on a Trade and Co-operation Agreement warrant issued in France.

The French press claimed he had been working as a private tutor while living under a false identity while in the UK. The 53-year-old had been on the run since November 2020​...

For armed robbery? Murder? 

...after he posted a Holocaust denial video on YouTube and was handed a four-month jail term and a further six months in January 2021.

*sighs* 

He was jailed previously in 1991, 2005 and 2015 for numerous separate offences including distributing leaflets and writing a brochure denying the Holocaust. In France, Holocaust denial has been a crime since 1990.

He's clearly a serial denier, so what's the point in wasting time on him? He's not going to change his views, and probably sees the legal problems as more 'evidence' of persecution. It could even be said that the authorities are fuelling his delusions.  

So, what would be the best thing to do with people like this? 

Finish Your Dinner Before You Start On Dessert...

Taking pictures down women's tops and creating 'deepfake' pornographic images without consent are to be made illegal. An amendment to the Online Safety Bill announced yesterday will give police and prosecutors more power to bring the abusers to justice.

Gosh, more crimes, eh? It must be great to have done such a great job on all the existing ones that you can.... 

Oh, wait....

"“They say these dogs are great around kids, but dogs that attack kids are great around them until they attack them. Then it’s too late.”"

“We dashed back and, when I got out, there were two people holding the dog back. As I looked around, I had chicken feathers everywhere. The guy said: ‘You're gonna have to get a vet out. It’s attacked one of your sheep.' When I looked, the sheep had one of its legs ripped off.”

Not another XL Bully, this time an Alaskan Malamute. Same useless type of owner, though... 

He said he plans to get a shotgun licence in case he needs to protect his children in future.

Better to get it and not need it, than need it and not have it. 

I Have Questions....

...no, not about foodbank use. That's the usual local newspaper story that doesn't hold up when you read beyond the panic headline. 

Did they make the only black guy in the picture sit on a child's chair, or something?!?

So, If Someone Needs To Visit A Loved One In Hospital...

Would you: 

a) Help them find it? By, maybe, giving them the postcode? or 

b) Take the opportunity to lecture them about sustainability?

*sighs* Envy of the world?

H/T: CJ Nerd via email

It's Deja Vu Again...Again!

A councillor has spoken of the harrowing moment her fingernails were ripped off in a dog attack...

Fingernails? Off, it's it usually leg or arm injuries? 

...as she posted a flyer, leaving her needing emergency surgery.

Ah.  

Cllr Carnac says she usually uses a posting peg when leafleting - a plastic gadget used to push post through a letterbox while avoiding any contact with unruly dogs.

She hopes her experience will serve as a “timely reminder” for dog owners to be responsible, and anyone who delivers door-to-door to be careful.

That's the thing about reminders - you have to remember them! 

A police spokesman said: "Kent Police has received a report that a woman was bitten by a dog at a property in Chestnut Drive, Sturry at around 11am on Saturday 5 November 2022.

"Enquiries into the incident are ongoing."

I doubt they are rushing... 

Hors de combat!

Not me, thankfully, but my PC. 

Started Friday morning, unable to connect to the monitor so - since I had the day off to run my mum to an appointment - it was a quick trip to the IT repair shop, where of course it performed perfectly. Chap said it could have been a dodgy cable or the monitor itself, so try it back home and see. Back come, cabled up....worked perfectly. Whew! Shut it down and got on with things (ok, played the new Pokemon game, actually!).

Got up Saturday...guess what? Screen gets as far as the logo then quits. So going to try a new HDMI cable and if that doesn't solve it, it could be the monitor.

So until I can sort it, posts will be light here, nonexistant at 'Orphans..'.

Update: 

Well, wasn't the cable! new cable, same thing. So back it'll go to the repair shop (along with the monitor this time) as soon as I've got time to take it. 

It's Not Just The 'Mail', Then...

Though this one will stay anonymous, to spare their blushes...

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

Fearne Cotton's Really Let Herself Go...

...she looks more like Johnny Wilkinson to me!

H/T: Ian J via email

Sunday Funnies...

They don't mess about in Marrakesh, do they..?

You Know Who Else's Resources Aren't Limitless, Danial..?

Mamlye was discovered on Tuesday night by Danial Abbas from the charity Under One Sky. Abbas paid £65 out of his own pocket for Mamlye to spend the night in a hotel. Abbas said: “With what he’s gone through, I thought he needed his own space for a night.”

After speaking to the Guardian Mamlye was taken away by police officers. Abbas said: “I’m waiting to hear whether he’s got his accommodation sorted for tonight or not. If he doesn’t I’ve assured him I’ll sort him out again.”

Under One Sky helped secure 11 other asylum seekers hotel accommodation in Norwich. Abbas said: “A lot of the government’s failures seem to be falling on to my shoulders. But our resources are not limitless.”

The UK's aren't, either. 

Mamlye said he had fled Iran because it was a “dictatorship and ruled by despots – they have no respect for human rights especially for Kurds”.

He said in early October he tried to cross the Channel in a 9-metre inflatable boat with 50 other people including “babies, men and women, young and old”.

So, France - and all the other countries you travelled through to get to France - were no better?  

To Celebrate...

...some music: 

The Fact It's Bred Gives Me Depression...

Jason Patel, defending, said the 26-year-old accepted the number of offences meant he was facing an inevitable prison sentence. Mr Patel said the father-of-one, has depression and ADHD.

Of course he does... 

Mr Patel added: "He is young man with a poor record with assaults - he clearly needs to address that behaviour."

While Magistrates were deliberating, Bell held up notes to the videolink camera in the booth at HMP Hewell. And when Jonathan Wiltshire, chairman of the magistrates, returned prison staff explained Bell had left the room as he had sliced his leg open with his blood on the floor.

As one of the comments notes, what a pity it wasn't his throat.  

After Bell returned to be sentenced the chairman said the offences were "serious enough" for them to give him a prison sentence, jailing him for a total of 352 days. Bell was ordered to pay compensation of £50 to all the assault victims, £250 to the victims of the car damage, and told to pay a victim surcharge of £187.

Bell said "I'm not that rich" as he learned he would have to pay a total of £1,237. After leaving the booth at the prison Bell was then ordered to return back, the chairman explaining the bench had heard him swearing.

 Back to the comments for one that sums this sorry tale up:

 /applause

And The Beat Goes On...

It's never ending, is it?

Haslington councillor Steve Edgar (Con) said: “Of all the applications I’ve seen, this is one of the better ones. It has its faults, it has its problems, it’s not perfect, they never are, but overall I think it’s a good application.”

He moved the recommendation that it be approved. Seven councillors voted for approval, two voted against and two abstained.

I'm assuming the 'Con' stands for conservative, but maybe it's more a reflection on what they are doing to us all...

She Doesn't 'Self Medicate', She's A Drug Addict

Defence lawyer Neil Ronan said: 'The first thing the defendant told me today was that she wanted the victim to know how much guilt and remorse she feels for what she has done.

It weighs heavily on her mind.

'Although she initially pleaded not guilty this was partly due to her lack of keen intellect and after she eventually changed her plea.

She is a single mother with three children, aged 21, 19 and 15. Her youngest is a particularly vulnerable child and would likely go into care.'

It might be the best thing that ever happened to the poor kid: 

'The defendant self-medicates with cannabis every night, partly to deal with her complex familial situation where she is the only caregiver. She also mentioned some admittedly vague incidents of domestic issues with her ex-partner.'

*rolls eyes* Even her brief seems embarassed to proffer such a tale... 

He added: 'She has been out of work since she fell pregnant at 16 and is currently in receipt of benefits. She has told me that she would like to compensate the victim as much as she can.'

How do you compensate a blind man for running him down on a zebra crossing because you didn't want your fish and chips to get cold? 

At Bolton Crown Court, Bellis admitted causing serious injury by dangerous driving and was jailed for a year and banned from driving for three years. The disqualification will start when she is freed in six months.

I suppose it's a miracle she's even going to do six months... 

What Were You Thinking..?

His Majesty's Treasury has been brutally mocked online after the Government department launched...

A new policy? Something some bright-eyed, bushy tailed SPAD thought would earn them brownie points wiv da yoof? 

Reader, yes. 

...a new server on gaming chat app Discord.

And we know how those tend to go, don't we? 

Although the government blocked all comments on the gamer-focused chat app - making the server read-only - trolls were able to find a way to have a laugh at the expense of the Government as 7,000 new users flooded in over just a few hours.

I'm proud of you, gaming community. 

At one point thousands of users managed to coordinate reactions so that emoji letters spelled out the C-word and 'GAY'.

Ahahahahahahaha! Maybe the kids are alright, after all! 

The Courage Of Your Convictions...

...maybe you should have it, Virgin?

Virgin Atlantic has ditched its gender-neutral uniform policy for its team flying the England squad on a 'Gay Pride' jet to the Qatar World Cup amid concerns for their safety. The airliner said it worried the crew on today's Three Lions' flight to Doha could be at jeopardy persecution from strict Qatari authorities if they were found to be wearing the new LGBT-friendly outfits.

Shove it down the throats of those who you know are powerless to object, but cringe in the face of those who won't back down? How brave! How stunning! 

Virgin said some countries, like the US and UK, are 'accepting of non-binary identities' and that the new uniform policy was being tested out in these first. But it said that the company had to 'consider its attitudes' of Qatar towards the LGBT community, which meant it launched a risk assessment.

I think that's your brand tarnished forever... 

Looks Like You Can Stop Marching Now...

...you've arrived at your destination. Here's the world you wanted. Are you happy?

'My partner ended up called the police, but they did nothing, and we got thrown out.'

There's a lot to rage about this appalling story, but that, frankly, takes the biscuit. Why did they do nothing?

Angharad claims she was told 'you don't look blind' and hotel security staff were called to eject them from the room.

Another triumph for the useless Met Police... 

Angharad, from Port Talbot, South Wales, is taking legal action against Premier Inns.

She's being backed by the Guide Dogs Association, and I hope she wins. I hope she puts in an official complaint againt the police too.

A Premier spokesperson said: 'At Premier Inn we take the needs and equal treatment of all our guests extremely seriously and all team members receive disability awareness training to make sure our guests all get the same warm welcome and enjoy a great stay.'

Well, clearly, at your Enfield branch, it didn't take.  

'An urgent investigation is already underway with that site to find out exactly what's happened and we've reached out to the Twitter user to fully understand the circumstances of what has taken place and apologise for the upset caused.

'Whilst we cannot comment on the outcome of specific investigations, we take a zero tolerance policy towards discrimination.'

There should be some vacancies for hotel staff coming up in the Enfield area very soon. 

Shouldn't The Police Be Investigating The Gamekeeper's Whereabouts?

“I fully admit that I shot Herman, my gun dog. I shot him humanely and buried him with my gamekeeper,” it read. “I had to take the merciful route to end Herman’s suffering.”

Just in case the lunatic meant something other than 'with the help of my gamekeeper'..?

Temple Farm gamekeeper Phil Holborow said Herman was ill. He said: "He had lumps all over him and he was wobbly on his legs, his back end was going, that's how I'd describe it. He was ill, the poor old boy looked ill."

"In my words, he needed putting down, in my words. I think he was suffering. He [the Count] told me the dog crapped everywhere in the house, he said 'I think we need to deal with it'. He asked me to bury it, so that's what I did."

Whew! 

Chair of the bench, Beverly Payne, returned a verdict of guilty. She said: "We note the relationship was acrimonious and had been on that day. We are sure that you act unreasonably, you could have organised taking Herman to a vet to be euthanized like all the other pets. You must have known that would have upset your wife. Therefore we do find you guilty."

Describing the offence as having a "high degree of planning", Ms Payne imposed a £2,000 fine. He must also pay £620 costs and a £200 surcharge. The hearing took place on Friday.

Perhaps the surrendering of his English gun licence too might be a good idea? Given he's shown a proclivity for taking it into his own hands to dispose of something he's grown tired of?

Don't Say We Didn't Tell You: Pt 1795482

Electric car owners will have to pay road tax for the first time, as part of ‘eye-watering’ Budget plans designed to fill a £54 billion hole in the public finances.

Chancellor Jeremy Hunt will use Thursday’s budget to change Treasury rules which mean emission-free cars and vans currently pay no vehicle excise duty. The move is designed to plug a projected £7 billion shortfall in road tax as the switch to electric vehicles gathers pace.

And yes, covid is the excuse, but if you believe this wasn't always on the cards at some point, I've a bridge to sell you... 

The Bank of England warned last week that Britain could be entering a two-year recession, the longest on record.

If you shut down the country for two years, the bill is going to come due some time, isn't it?

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes And Albanians...

This is not a basis for an asylum claim! Is it?

I asked Iva, 31, who was a stockbroker in Albania, why she would make such a dangerous journey in the back of a lorry.

She said: "It doesn't make sense. But when you look at Albania and the opportunities it gives to young people it will make sense.

"I just want to live in a happy environment. I just want to live in a safe environment. I want to live in a society that is well-structured and well-organised. I don't want to live in chaos anymore."

We here in the UK want those things too. How can we have them when people like you try to game the system? 

Now she's trying to register her arrival with the Home Office on its dedicated hotline - entering a system which she knows could take years to process her application.

Then fire the Home Office staff who can't process such an application and stamp it 'REJECTED' in double-quick time! 

Iva and Denis, who say they are both university educated, told us they want to speak to Sky News because of the "stigma" surrounding Albanian asylum seekers.

'"Why see migrants as a problem," Denis said. "Start to see us as worthy people."

There's nothing worthy about you. You should be on the next flight back.

We Will Remember Them...

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old: 

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. 

At the going down of the sun and in the morning 

We will remember them.

Maybe You Should Look Elsewhere...

...it's not the public who are causing the biggest issue, is it?

H/T: Ian J via email

Why We Aren't Stopping Knife Crime...

A Holland & Barrett worker attacked his boss in front of shocked customers after a row erupted about the length of his lunch break.

Terry Stokes, 26, dug his fingers into Kyran Burnett’s eyes then grabbed a blade from the store room at the health food shop near Victoria Station, central London.

Four customers fled in panic as Stokes chased Mr Burnett with the knife on December 29 last year, Southwark Crown Court heard.

Oh no, are you in for a long spell in ... 

But the judge gave Stokes credit for finding another job since the incident.

*blinks* Wait, what? Who would give this maniac a job? 

‘We have an impressive letter written on your behalf by your new employer who plainly thinks you would be of more use outside of prison than behind bars.’

Stokes, of Camden, was convicted of assault by beating and possessing a knife. He was sentenced to eight months jail suspended for 21 months.

/facepalm 

The judge added: ‘You still have anger issues and it may properly be addressed with these sessions.

‘You really must curb your temper in the future.’

What incentive does he have to do so, 'your honour'..? When he doesn't see a day behind bars for physical assault, while a sick sense of humour gets you 12 weeks in chokey?

We Won't See Any Such Thing, I Predict...

Blazing headlines - no more circumcisions, tummy tucks and other 'unnecessary' procedures on the NHS.

NHS medical director Professor Sir Stephen Powis told The Telegraph that the 'crackdown' on procedures funded by the NHS was to help improve the institution's efficiency, and prevent wasting money 'from the public purse'.

Hurrah! Right?

It follows years of plans being drawn up to cut NHS costs.

Plans that are never ever put into place, or when they actually are, don't achieve the desired result. 

So...why would this one be any more successful?

The new list, which includes circumcisions, tummy tucks and liposuction is the third that the NHS has made a bid to reduce costs.

OK, so what's the catch? 

Created by NHS bosses and medics from the Academy of Medical Royal Colleges, the plan states that the procedures should only be performed via NHS funding if specific criteria have been met. Each year the NHS in England performs 23,000 circumcisions, more than 1,000 now liposuction operations and more than 500 tummy tucks.

The drafted guidance says that liposuction and tummy tucks should not be done for cosmetic purposes, with circumcisions only being funded to treat medial (sic) problems, the newspaper reported.

There you go. Desires for these procedures will simply be reclassified as medical problems for the patient, and the NHS will then perform them. 

Didn't Quite Get It Right...

Well, the sign does say "Car Park" - but I suspect it means "On all four wheels"... 

H/T: Dave Ward via email

The Reaction Of Someone Who Knows They Are In The Wrong...

Police forces must ‘stop humouring’ eco activists, Suella Braverman said yesterday. The Home Secretary accused officers of letting protests get out of control because of their ‘reluctance’ to tackle ‘criminal disruption’.

Her demand came after Just Stop Oil activists brought more chaos to the M25, leading to a crash in which a constable was injured.

She suggested that members of the public were taking the law into their own hands because they had lost faith in the police.

All very true. So...what was the reaction? Contrition? Excuses about 'resources' or the paperwork burden?

No, actually, sarcasm and insolence: 

But Sir Mark said: ‘We have gone as fast as we think we can do on the Just Stop Oil issues. We can’t take snipers apparently to people who are climbing the gantries.’

I must have missed where she asked you to do that...

‘When we use the angle grinders we have to apparently just take off the locks, we can’t take off the limbs at the same time.’

I don't believe that was in the Home Sec's statement either, Sir Mark... 

‘There are limits to how you can do this at speed. We are turning up at those things very quickly. We’re going as quickly as we can.’

I'm sure you are, but what concerns the public is the sloth and indolence your officers display when they get there, and the concern they show for the ecoloons, when that concern should be shown for the public:

And that reaction tells me her remarks struck home, and you know it too...

Just One Little Question, Then, Joe...

...which countries are you talking about? 

I mean, do you even know?

And why is Musk suddenly the bête noire of the Establishment, I wonder..?

They Need To Be Reminded Who They Serve...

Labour MP Rosie Duffield has slammed the British Transport Police (BTP) after they tweeted an appeal to identify a suspected flasher, referring to the suspect as 'them' rather than stating their gender.

Because if someone flashes you, their sex is immediate and obvious. So what does it matter what gender they claim to be? 

The BTP repeatedly refused to disclose to MailOnline whether a suspected flasher dressed in a wig and skirt exposed male or female genitals to two teenage girls on a train.

MailOnline subsequently requested further information several times throughout today to confirm further details regarding the incident - including whether the suspect was is a man or woman and whether they exposed male or female genitals.

But BTP's press office rebuffed the queries, instead insisting that it 'did not need further descriptions' after issuing the appeal.

Unlike other photos, this one was crystal clear. But it would still help to know which particular flavour of pervert they were looking for... 

British Transport Police said: 'At this stage of the investigation, our priority is to speak to the individual. It is not necessary for us to add any further descriptors - we just want to identify the individual in the picture and would encourage anyone with information to assist with this.

'We are committed to tackling violence against women and girls across the rail and underground network.'

That's going to be pretty difficult for you, since you seem unable to tell what women and girls are... 

There Are No Winners...

A school is changing how it picks players for its football team.

OK, I'm not the greatest football fan, and my knowledge of the offside rule is non-existent, but...don't you pick the best players for each position?

I mean, how else could it be done?  

Saltdean Primary School has announced that instead of having trials to select players for its football team, they will pick players with a range of footballing abilities. Where teams are over-subscribed, players will be picked out of a hat.

Ha ha ha ha ha...! 

Oh, wait. They're serious? 

One concerned parent, who did not wish to be named, said: “My child was really upset. He plays outside of school but he wants to represent the school.

“It feels like if you’re achieving in sport there’s no celebration of that. There’s a handful of parents who feel very strongly about this.

“When you think of the success of the Lionesses this year it doesn’t make sense.”

Only a handful of parents are concerned? That's, frankly, far more concerning than the bonkers woke decision by the school, isn't it? 

Reheated: Culture Clash Part 2

Long time readers may recall this story from 2011. Now there's a follow up:

An ex-policeman whose 16-year-old daughter was fatally stabbed through the skull by a teenager using a steel comb says he is horrified that she could be free in weeks.

Rebecca Douglas was aged just 15 when she was dubbed the 'afro comb killer' after brutally attacking rival Julie Sheriff, but now MailOnline has learned her case has been referred to the Parole Board.

Reader, you know you've been blogging for a long time when killers you commented on are up for review! 

A spokesperson for The Parole Board said: 'The parole review of Rebecca Douglas has been referred to the Parole Board by the Secretary of State for Justice and is following standard processes.'

I'm sure it is. But isn't that the problem? 

'Parole Board decisions are solely focused on what risk a prisoner could represent to the public if released and whether that risk is manageable in the community.

'A panel will carefully examine a huge range of evidence, including details of the original crime, and any evidence of behaviour change, as well as explore the harm done and impact on the victims.'

Well, she won't have stabbed anyone else while behind bars, but isn't that more lack of opportunity..? 

What More Evidence Do You Need..?

Police have seized the dog and another belonging to the same owner. They remain in police kennels. A 56-year-old woman was interviewed under caution on October 18 but no arrests have been made so far. A spokesperson for the Metropolitan Police said its enquiries are ongoing.

Another triumph for the 'nanny dog'. Perhaps this was the sort of 'nanny' they really mean when they use this phrase? 

The mother had been watching from inside when her neighbour's dog was released into the area without a lead or muzzle on and charged directly at Elsie. The children ran to a wall and climbed to safety but Elsie fell over as they ran which allowed the dog to grab her by the face.

At which point, did the mother not remember that her kitchen was full of razor-sharp utensils? 

South Yorkshire Police Slightly Better Shots Than Their North Yorkshire Counterparts...

Officers were called to the fields near Hollinsend Cricket Club off Fox Lane at around 2pm yesterday afternoon (October 31) after a woman was severely bitten on the arm by her own dog. While the breed hasn’t been confirmed by police, witnesses told The Star they believed it was a mastiff.

The dog then reportedly ran from the scene towards Thornbridge Close. Local schools were advised to keep students indoors while police officers attended the scene. Residents told The Star they saw officers arrive ‘armed with shotguns’. Shortly afterwards, gunshots were heard coming from the scene.

How many? Well, less than 19 but who's counting? 

One resident said: “I heard what I thought was one shot, and then it went quiet. Two minutes later, they jumped in their police cars and went round to Thornbridge Drive, and my friend told me they appeared there. He said he thought he heard two shots, and then another two.”

Blimey, with shotguns...? Weren't they close enough? 

South Yorkshire Police have now confirmed they destroyed the dog at the scene after deeming it a risk to public safety.

A spokesperson for the force said: “It was determined that the dog was a potential risk to public safety and the decision was unfortunately made to destroy the dog to protect the public. Officers continue to investigate the matter to see if any offences had been committed.”

The woman was taken to hospital with serious arm injuries that are not believed to be life-threatening.

At least the police didn't pussyfoot around this time. But what's the betting the silly cow faces no charges for keeping a beast like this? 

Awkward!

Four men go on trial this week. And it would have been five...

They are suspected of conspiring to murder a 23-year-old rival who was shot on the dance floor at the Oval Space nightclub in Cambridge Heath, according to The Telegraph.

The victim was chased out of the nightclub and shot twice by a gunman before being taken to the Royal London Hospital in Whitechapel. He was treated for gunshot wounds to both legs, but survived the attack.

The four men appeared at Thames Magistrates Court on October 28 charged with conspiracy to murder. The newspaper reported that the prosecution will allege Mr Kaba helped plot the attack and was present at the incident.

Yes, Reader. That Mr Kaba.

Here's A Tip, 'Mail Editor'...

...don't rely on autocomplete when writing your headlines:

Oh well, worse things happen at sea!

H/T: David Bain via email

'Bournemouth Echo' Hot Tip: Don't Try Petting Them...

...if they are on fire!

H/T: Ian J via email

Sunday Funnies...

Reasons to be cheerful...I think!

They're Like Buses...

...you wait ages for unsuitable police hires and then two come along all at once! 

A Met Police officer and beauty queen has been thrown out of the force after a cannabis farm and Class A drugs were found at her home and old address.

PC Rasvinder Agalliu, 47, was arrested on suspicion of conspiracy to supply the drugs after police searched her two London properties in 2020. Officers raided her house on June 25, 2020, where they found Class A drugs, drugs paraphernalia, a large quantity of cash and a Metropolitan Police radio.

/facepalm 

The former PC, who was based at the Met's Central West Command Unit, was not charged with drug offences but was found to have breached the Met's standards of professional behaviour.

Wait, what..? Why not? 

The misconduct panel also found she breached the force's standards on respect of honesty and integrity, discreditable conduct, duties and responsibilities and orders and instructions.

Maybe some of those who decided not to charge her with anything should be considering whether they too have breached those... 

"We're Shocked, SHOCKED..."

"...to find religion going on in here!"

The row flared on Sunday when the priest gave an outspoken homily at St Mary’s church in Listowel in his native County Kerry, reportedly causing dozens of people to walk out.

The bishop of Kerry, Raymond Browne, apologised and said Sheehy’s views did not “represent the Christian position”.

Now, I'm no bible-basher but even I know there's something in there about unrepentant sinning... 

However, the priest confirmed his view in radio interviews. Asked if he thought Varakdar and other gay politicians who supported gay and abortion rights would go to hell, he replied: “Absolutely.”

And...as Tim points out, this comes as a shock why? 

Sheehy is now retired and delivered the homily in Listowel while covering for a parish priest who was away.

I'm betting he won't get asked again! 

"I got so brave, drink in hand, lost my discretion..."

PC Kira Wealls, 20, had just joined Essex Police when she appeared in a promotional video showing her transition from Tesco worker to proud beat officer.

Talk about scraping the barrel... 

However, in June she called bosses to say she was too unwell to do her night shift in Chelmsford.

Oh. Well, it happens. Right, Reader?  

In fact, she went to Newmarket, Suffolk, and became involved in an altercation over a jug of Pimm’s.

 Not a bottle of Lambrini or WKD? Wow! She must be from the posh part of Essex!

Wealls approached police at the racecourse and told them what had happened – and that she was an officer with another force. Essex Police were informed and Wealls quit after she was put on restricted duties and told she faced a misconduct hearing.

I don't think Tesco are going to want you back, frankly... 

Her mother, Alison, said at the family home in Colchester yesterday that Wealls had moved to Turkey. She claimed her daughter had ‘mental health problems’ brought on by the stress of her job but she did not want bosses to know.

Sure, sure... 

Her daughter resigned on the advice of a Police Federation representative.

When they won't back you, you know you're doomed! 

But who on earth decided that what Essex Police needed was 'representation' for the Essex airhead bimbo demographic? And are they still in their job? 

Why, Yes. Yes, I Think It Is...

Anglian Water has since apologised for any confusion caused by the signage. A spokesman said: “We are very sorry for the disruption caused to road users while we install a new water connection on Barroway Drove.”

Everyone understands the need to cause disruption, but surely someone must have looked at that signage and thought 'Job's a good 'un!' 

Can't you find them, and fire them? 

H/T: Dave Ward via email

Giving The Greens And Lib Dems A Run For Their Money...

Canterbury City Council is proposing to divide the city into five different districts, with drivers unable to cross between zones without being fined. Instead, the council is asking residents to drive along a new bypass, which along with other A roads, would create a ring-road style approach.

To do so, they would have to leave their current neighbourhood and re-enter their chosen location via specific, newly permitted routes. Anyone breaking the new driving rule would be hit with a fine when their movement is captured on number-plate recognition cameras, under the proposals.

What with this and the London Mayor's barmy plans, you could be forgiven for thinking the usual suspects see motorists as sheep to be fleeced anytime. Still, I suppose that's typical of the Greens or the Lib Dems or whichever crazy out of touch politicians are pushing this... 

Last week Liberal Democrat councillor Nick Eden-Green said the council has 'no real idea of what it's going to cost', adding that it could total 'about £100million'.

'The government certainly is not going to stump up the money and we can't either,' he told Canterbury City Council's cabinet at a meeting, Kent Online reported.

Oh! So, who..? 

The plan was modelled on the Belgian city of Ghent, which launched a Circulation Plan in 2017 that divided the city into six areas to cut the number of cars in the city centre. It was defended by Conservative council leader Ben Fitter-Harding, who said 'that doing nothing is not an option'.

/facepalm 

This Is Why The Public Don't Intervene...

As previously reported by The Press, 39-year-old Sam Diatta, from York, tragically died after a disturbance at Mappin and Webb jewellers in Coney Street last month.

'Tragically'..?

A medical investigation is being conducted into the cause of his death. North Yorkshire Police say that four men, who were initially arrested in connection with the report, have been interviewed and released on bail pending the results of police and medical investigations and they have now had their bail extended while the investigation continues.

As The Press reported at the time of the incident on July 26, North Yorkshire Police officers received several reports of a disturbance at the store and upon arrival a man was being restrained by a member of the shop staff and members of the public. Unfortunately Sam began to have medical difficulties and was taken to York Hospital where he was sadly pronounced dead shortly after 6.40pm.

'Sadly'..?

Can no-one spare any sympathy for the men (who did what they thought was the just thing to do) with this hanging over their heads while the wheels of justice grind oh-so-slowly?

Rewatchable TV November: Fringe

Regular readers may remember I rewatched this show last year. 

When it first launched over here, I didn't watch at first - I was all 'X Files'ed out. And the adverts I saw for it leaned heavily on comparisions to that, which really didn't do it justice at all. 

But I picked it up around about the time Series 3 debuted, and was instantly hooked and used catch up to watch from the very beginning. It was perfectly cast, impressive in scope, and even the occasional 'comedy' or 'innovative' episode was superbly done. 

And it wisely didn't outstay its welcome, as that show did. In fact, I could have watched another series or two!

Well, You Decide...

A former soldier who died after being Tasered when he 'charged at' police had told his family of his wedding plans just hours earlier, an inquest heard. Platoon Sergeant Spencer Beynon, 43, was hit with up to 50,000 volts after allegedly 'charging' at officers in the street near his home.

The jury will be asked to decide if the police response was appropriate and reasonable and whether it was reasonable to use a Taser.

Gosh, why wouldn't it be? Meanwhile, in Nottingham: 

Why give them Taser if they can't use it in these circumstances?

 

Remember When A Man Had A Middle-Aged Crisis...

..and bought a Porsche or took a young mistress? Or went off to 'find themselves' on Annapurna?

Good times.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished, Mrs Debenham...

An NHS mental health specialist who took in a Ukrainian refugee was reported for modern day slavery after she asked her guest to help out more with the dishes.

Hannah Debenham, 42, of Uckfield, East Sussex, was under investigation for two months following the accusation, before the case was dropped this week when no evidence was found.

Predictably, the police insisted they'd done nothing wrong: 

Detective Chief Inspector Gavin Patch, of Sussex Police, defended his force's action today, telling MailOnline the investigation was 'expedited as quickly as possible', adding that it takes any report of slavery 'very seriously'.

And when you look beyond the screaming headlines in the 'Mail', perhaps they were half-right: 

Ms Debenham's saga began when she and her husband, who also works in the NHS, were looking for an au pair to work in their eight-bedroom home.

So, not a case where someone sees the 'plight' of a refugee on the tv at all and...wait.

An eight bedroom house? For two NHS workers?  

They stumbled upon the profile of a Ukrainian woman in her 30s who claimed she was also an English teacher, and reached out to her to see if she would be a good fit. According to Ms Debenham, they came to an agreement that would allow the teacher and her ten-year-old daughter to stay with them on the basis that she would perform babysitting duties for two to three days a week, for which she would be paid £200. Ms Debenham filled out the paperwork via the Homes for Ukraine scheme, which she said was accepted 'remarkably quickly'.

So Mrs Debenham decided to get herself a house servant on the cheap. But it seems the servant had ideas above her station. Deciding she was more of a guest, and less of a worker...  

The mothers then had an argument after Ms Debenham was unable to drive her guest to an appointment as she was working from home.

The plot thickens! 

'She slammed the door on me', Ms Debenham recalled, 'and I just thought: "Wow, how could she treat me this way?"

'I had driven her to so many doctors and benefits appointments, but I explained to her that she just had to respect that I work and cannot always be available to drive her.'

I'm beginning to wish we could send both sets to Ukraine, by now. I'm not as forgiving as Longrider.

'So now whenever I see a Ukrainian flag in this country I can’t help but feel anger for the people who have no gratitude, no care and no respect for people like me who was naïve and thought I could make this world a better place if I helped by inviting them to live in our home.'

You know what, Mrs Debenham? That's exactly how I feel about NHS 'workers' who play the system... 

In What Universe Could This Be Said To Be 'A Shock'..?

Campaigners have warned for years that vast amounts of porn readily available online were having a worrying impact on children's attitudes to relationships. Half of parents fear web porn gives youngsters an unrealistic view of sex and more than half of mothers think it casts women in a poor light, according to research.

And, as the old joke goes, a totally unrealistic expectation of how quickly a plumber arrives!