Sounds Like The Answer's 'Bugger All', Love...

Not that that should surprise anyone...

If Only Maddie Had Disappeared On The London Underground...

...we'd have had a quartet!

Sunday Funnies...

These days, I tend to ignore them all...

Post Title Of The Month

David Thompson brings us more news hilarity from UniversityLand:

Quote Of The Month

And DumbJon continues the theme:

"Consider the left's response to Rotherham. Here are a group of people who've spent years producing saccharine drivel about life oop North, while also giving house room to feminazis ranting about how rape culture is, like, everywhere, sista. But as soon as they ran into an actual rape culture, on the loose in Brassed Off territory....

Suddenly, it turned out rape wasn't about power after all. Feminists all but queued up to explain how the victims were practically asking for it, the sluts. Large parts of the left seemed to positively relish the idea of young girls being sexually tortured and humiliated. Their reaction was like nothing so much as a frustrated stalker enjoying the suffering of the woman who rejected him."

Post Of The Month

North Northwester brings us the news we always suspected...

"Well, On The One Hand..."

Austria's President is forthright:

...but sadly, not consistent: 

Wha..?

Does Not Compute...

After coming out, Odiele met an intersex woman from Utah who had avoided surgery – a rarity.

“She’s a very strong person, with a lot less trauma than I have,” she says. “But most people I’ve met have had surgery. To normalise the body, they just cut things out.”

She considers it a human rights violation, an age-old impulse to correct things that don’t conform to the binary ways in which men seek to shape the world.

It's men that shape the world, is it? Not women? And not nature, which shapes us in overwhelmingly binary fashion?

Being prodded and stared at for so much of her childhood was humiliating and lonely.

So she picked a job where she is stared at by people all the time.

A Clash Of Disabilities...

CCTV footage from last June, played at Barkingside Magistrates Court today, showed Peter Kirby, 52, walking to Elm Park station with his two dogs Cassey and black, white and tan Staffordshire bull terrier Logan.

A Staffie again... *raises eyes heavenwards*

As they went into the station, blind man Mike Brace and his guide dog, a black labrador, Izzy, were being assisted by a member of staff from the platform to the ticket barriers.

But as the barriers opened, Logan leapt onto Izzy’s back with Mr Brace, a Paralympian, and member of staff trying to part them.

The court heard how Izzy was “bleeding a lot” and suffered a number of bruises on her back leaving her with several stitches.

Oh, boy, are you in trouble now, buster! There's a special law now for attacks on disability dogs.

How are you going to go for 'mitigation'?

Kirby’s defence lawyer Jed Shaw told the court how his client has restless leg syndrome, a neurological disorder that causes unpleasant sensations in the legs and an uncontrollable urge to move them.

Kirby, of Suttons Avenue, Hornchurch, who has a Freedom Pass, also has impaired vision.

Ah. I see. Well played!

Mr Shaw said how he was “not feeling well” on the day of the incident due to prescribed medication so did not stop Logan when he continued to walk in front of him.

He said: “They are not registered as assistance dogs but that is what they are essentially.

If they ain't registered as such, they are just mutts!

“If Mr Kirby arrived five seconds earlier, it would not have happened.”

And if my auntie had balls, she'd be my uncle!

Kirby pleaded guilty and will have to pay a £250 fine, £30 victim surcharge and £250 compensation to the owner of the guide dog.

He was also told that he must keep Logan on a lead in public and must put a muzzle on him when travelling on public transport.

Prosecutor Philippa McCarthy said: “If he turns like this on one particular day, he could turn on another day and it could be a lot worse.”

So let's give him another chance to do so, eh, Phillipa? I guess you don't frequent the Elm Park area, so you are unlikely to be the next victim...

Judge Gary Lucie also imposed a contingent destruction order which means that if Kirby does not follow these conditions or another incident takes place, Logan will be destroyed.

One to watch.

Where Do They Find These Judges?

...and could they please send them back to wherever it was?

Judge Shani Barnes, sitting at Lewes Crown Court, ruled that despite the severity of his crimes he must not be publicly identified.

The boy had been taken to Spain by his mother when he was aged three, where she led an “unconventional lifestyle” before she brought him back to Brighton and abandoned him.

Judge Barnes said she hoped he could get over his anger at the world while behind bars.

She told the boy: “I understand that life has been very difficult for you.

“You are so young and I am determined you will have another opportunity to take responsibility for your actions.”

When he kills someone - as he almost certainly will - I hope this foolish woman is stripped of her role and sentenced to what he should have got.

If Only They'd Had A Time Machine...

...then their cunning plan might have worked!

It hasn't been 'HM Customs & Excise' since the Brown Premiership, has it? It's 'HM Revenue & Customs'..!

'Missing The Bloody Point' Award Of 2017 Already Won...

Judge Paul Lawton questioned why the £598 theft case ended up at the crown court and asked: “Manchester United can just about afford it, can’t they?”

The seven defendants, who feared they would be locked up, shared smiles with each other and with friends and family after they were each handed a 12-month conditional discharge.

Some judges have common sense, as can be seen:

Last month District Judge Mark Hadfield, sitting at Manchester and Salford Magistrates’ Court, decided his sentencing powers - up to 12 months behind bars - weren’t enough and he sent the case to Manchester’s Minshull Street Crown Court.

Nice try, Mark. Shame your colleagues are grandstanding idiots.

None of the defendants had previous convictions, except for Andrade, who was handed a referral order for a conviction for robbery when he was 14.

After the case solicitor Amar Alyas, who represented Belkhair and Oyawaye, said: “They are very remorseful but this should have been dealt with by the district judge (in the magistrates’ court). It’s unfortunate this had to waste precious crown court time.”

What do you think the chances that anyone will hire young blacks are now, Amar?

Not only are they likely to repay you by robbing you blind, the judicial system will reward them, rather than punish them. You'd have to be mad.

H/T: wiggia via email

Chocolate Teapots Protest Their Unfair Comparison To Kirklees Police Farce...

“I’m still traumatised by it now. I’ve had no apology or contact with the dog’s owner who just watched what happened and didn’t say anything.

“It just can’t be right that nothing is done to stop this happening again.”

How is it that nothing is done? Why, because the police won't act. Again.

Janet contacted police again in February and gave a formal statement along with a neighbour. she also gave permission for police to contact the hospital about her injuries.

However, last Saturday an officer came to her home to tell her no charges would be brought against the dog’s owner.

One wonders why...

In a statement West Yorkshire Police said: “Police were called to an incident on Thornhill Road, Longwood, on July 6 last year in which a dog was killed.

“An investigation was carried out into the circumstances and how the two dogs came into contact. The owner of the deceased dog had received a minor wound to her leg while trying to intervene and required hospital treatment.”

A fairly bland statement for a shocking incident.

Temporary Inspector Jo Wolff, of Kirklees District Police, said: “We spoke at length with both parties involved as part of this investigation, including the owner of the deceased dog who has understandably been very upset by what took place.

“An 82-year-old woman voluntarily attended one of our police stations and was spoken to by officers. The matter was dealt with by way of community resolution, as agreed by both the victim and the suspect.”

It doesn't sound like the complainant agreed at all.

And it doesn't sound like it's all that safe to have a known aggressive dog that has attacked other dogs before, and now killed one and injured its owner, in the hands of a pensioner who can't or won't control it, does it?

One wonders just what sort of protected species this 82 year old lurcher owner belongs to...

Problem Animals

Third World:

Rashmi Ranjan Nayak, Bolangir district forest officer, said: 'Actually, the main challenge was to control the mob.

'We would have captured the animal if the villagers wouldn't have created disturbance to during the operation. I am glad that we finally managed to cage the beast.'

First World:

Animal director Adrian Harland said: "The cheetah was calm and pacing the enclosure fence looking to get back in.

"Some food was thrown into the enclosure and the cheetah walked back in to get it. No vet intervention was needed.

"The full escape procedure was run because the safari lorries travel past the enclosure. This particular cheetah was no real threat to our guests.

"He only climbed out to get back with his mother after having been separated to stop him eating all her dinner.

"We have secured the enclosure's perimeter fencing to ensure that the cheetah cannot climb out again."

Any questions?

Never Mind, Love, I Hear There's A PR Job Open At United Air...

Helium balloons containing free sandwich vouchers could fall over Bolton today, thanks to Poundbakery.

500 orange and black balloons were let loose from Poundbakery’s head office in Sidney Street earlier this afternoon - all containing vouchers for a free butty.

Whoever finds a balloon with the ‘Go Large’ voucher attached can grab a free sandwich at their nearest Poundbakery.

Well, it's not often people take out a full page advert in the local paper to announce their intention to litter on behalf of their company!

Marketing manager, Keely Palin, said “The sky is the limit with this campaign and we can’t wait to see where the balloons end up.”

I wonder where you'll end up...

"We're Missing Out On The Moolah!"

...I can’t deny that there have been a glut of dramas featuring sexual violence over the last few years, including Emmerdale, Hollyoaks, EastEnders, Apple Tree Yard, National Treasure and Broadchurch. I have 13 years’ experience of working and campaigning within and on behalf of the Rape Crisis movement, including acting as its national spokeswoman for three years, and I find myself defending the trend. Don’t social issues have peak moments in popular culture and is it not just rape’s “turn”?

It peaked last year, love. Now we're all bored with it.

...at least this current generation of depictions has evolved beyond scantily clad young women being chased through dark woods by demonic armed attackers. At least today’s programme-makers consult with specialists, such as Rape Crisis, to ensure their portrayals are realistic.

Eh? I've yet to see a rape case in a drama where a chav off her tits on Bacardi Breezers goes to the police to accuse a random stranger of rape, and has some poor sod banged up until the police get off their arses and check CCTV to find out she was lying.

That'd be realism.

But here I start to falter. Because the truth is I know the tidal wave of researchers, writers and producers eager to handle sexual violence responsibly is beginning to place a burden on chronically under-resourced and overstretched yet vital support agencies. And incredibly, the vast majority don’t offer to pay these specialists for their expertise.

Why should they, when you're clearly so desperate to push your agenda you'd climb over your own mother's corpse to do it for free? They aren't stupid. You clearly are.

Last year, as the domestic violence storyline on Radio 4’s The Archers became excruciating for listeners, one fan set up a fundraising page in the fictional victim Helen Titchener’s name that has so far raised over £172,000 for Refuge, a charity that supports “the real Helens”. It was a beautiful illustration of how drama can trigger consciousness and prompt action in support of worthy causes.

Translation: "Ah wants me some of dat!"

This year, acclaimed actor Julie Hesmondhalgh, beloved of Corrie fans as Hayley Cropper and brilliant as Broadchurch season three’s main character Trish, gave an exclusive interview to Rape Crisis, which was posted with a donations page for its national helpline. At the time of writing, that page has raised a tenner.

Ahahahahahaha! The best begging appeal news since this one:

Deep down, do we think survivors aren’t deserving because it’s just a little bit their own fault?

Sometimes it is.

The paradox is that part of the work of Rape Crisis is to challenge myths and prejudices around sexual violence so survivors can access social justice.

Aha. Now we hit the crux of the matter. That's why no-one's prepared to stump up any cash. It's because you're as mad as a box of frogs.

The issue here is justice. Not social. Just justice. That's all that matters.

Caption Competition!

Ryan, 36, barricaded herself inside and refused to surrender after police surrounded the property during the terrifying stand-off in Grimsby, Lincs.

She denied possessing an imitation firearm – an airgun – with intent to cause fear of violence, but was convicted after a trial. Cops, ambulances, helicopters and trained negotiators were called to the dramatic scene on October 8 after Ryan’s bizarre stunt.

She was sentenced to six months in prison at Grimsby Crown Court.

 *raises eyes heavenwards*

Temporary Detective Constable Tom Kelly said: “I hope she is ashamed of her actions and that the sentence acts as a deterrent to anyone else behaving in such an irresponsible way.”

Yes, this looks like a woman capable of shame, doesn't it?

I wonder what she's shouting?

 H/T: Rita Panahi via Twitter

When Celebrities Attack...

That's Chris Evans, the guy who plays 'Captain America', forgetting that he just plays 'Captain America'...

Yum, Sounds Delicious!

Spotted at my local boot sale. Well, it's almost right..!

Sunday Funnies...

It's not going to be that different, then...?

How To Get Publicity 101...

Packham’s latest venture is the design of a range of free to download T-shirt motifs including ‘Killing Wildlife for Fun is a Dying Business’ and ‘Safer in Outer Space’, which relates to the declining tiger population.

“I doubt whether there is a single safe enclave on earth for the tiger,” he explains.

“Maybe we should spend all that vast sum of charitable cash to send the last few to the moon”.

...say something so daft the media just has to advertise your latest money-making scheme. Lesson over.

He is, however, confident that is it only ‘a matter of time’ before the mistreatment of animals comes to an end – and he won’t stop until it does.

“I feel positive and optimistic at the moment, as I feel we’re making progress more rapidly. I want to make a small difference before I die, we can’t rest until everything is sorted.”

The 'small difference' being to his bank balance, as is the reference to getting everything 'sorted'...

Nope, Doesn't Pass Close Examination...

Dad-of-three Paul said. “He’s a lucky, lucky boy. He was shaken up more than anything.”

But he added that had the lollipop lady still been in place, the accident would not have happened.

He said: “It’s a main road through Dagenham, and a lot of cars would see the yellow sign and stop.

“She was there for three years, and I don’t think a child has been hit in that time.

Well, a child, no, but....the name of the road rang a bell!

“She was good at her job, and all the children liked her.”

And if she'd been on duty then.... wait, where was he hit, again?

Paul Donnelly’s son Brendan was knocked down as he used a pelican crossing at Wood Lane, Dagenham, at around 3.30pm on Friday.

Ummm....

“He’s been told to cross with his mum,” Paul explained.

“She’d gone to cross, and a girl that was behind him got hold of his arm.

“By the time he got away, or the girl let him go, the car was there.”

And, one presumes, the red 'do not cross' sign was up. What was mum doing, I wonder? Engrossed in her mobile, perchance?

Paul explained that the driver of the car was only going at 30mph, the road’s speed limit, and stopped at the scene to make sure Brendan was alright.

My sympathies are purely for the driver.

What 'Rumours' Could Possibly Be Worse Than The Reality?

Ms James has been targeted by trolls who have spread rumours about her daughter - but she said she hopes her friends and family will remember the “beautiful, smiley girl” she was.

She added: “We have had trolls among all the wonderful lovely people with nice things to say about her. But she was just a teenager who ended up in the wrong place with the wrong crowd at the wrong time.

“Her death has affected so many people.

“I miss her beautiful face and her beautiful smile. She was just amazing.”

And how did this 'amazing' girl die?

Sam James, of New Waverley Road, Basildon, told the Echo she is still feeling “completely broken” seven months after her 15-year-old daughter Sherie-Lea James died.

The Billericay School pupil was rushed to Basildon Hospital in the early hours of September 1 after being taken ill at a house party in South Ockendon. She died after suffering several cardiac arrests in the ambulance.

An inquest into her death has now been opened with a preliminary cause of death given as MDMA intoxication.

**sighs

How Long..?!?

Mr Thomas told the court: “The incident happened on November 24 last year at Mr Gardiner’s property in Llanllwch.

“The complainant, Simon Morris, had been there previously and was aware of the dog - a Weimeraner.

“The dog was not on any Royal Mail list of dogs for postmen to be aware of.” The court heard Mr Morris had gone to the back door of the property to deliver a parcel. It was then that the 10 year-old dog, named Travis, ran out in front of Mr Gardiner who was going to greet the postman.

Mr Thomas said Mr Morris tried to fend off the dog hitting it with letters he was holding.

Ah, that 'postman attacked by dog' story is such a beloved one of local newspapers...

“Mr Gardiner was shouting for the dog to come away and it was then that it bit the left forearm of Mr Morris.”

Mr Gardiner took hold of Travis and immediately apologised to the postman - offering a hot drink and bandaging the wound.

A sensible, properly apologetic owner! Wonders will never cease!

At hospital Mr Morris was treated for the puncture wound and was off work for five weeks, along with follow up care.

Wait, what? Five weeks? I only took one week off when I broke my arm!

Are we sure this was a Weimeraner, and not a great white shark?

Telling It Like It Is...

New powers to move on travellers and rough sleepers have been dubbed “ethnic cleansing” by campaigners.

Protesters called on Brighton and Hove City Council to revoke the new Public Space Protection Orders (PSPOs), which have only been enforced in the city since Saturday.

Ah, the usual suspects...

Gemma Challenger, of the Friends, Families and Travellers group, presented a petition of more than 5,000 signatures against the orders. She said: “This is ethnic cleansing. This is an attack on the gypsy way of life.

“Unless this is not overturned by the council this will be challenged through the courts at great cost to the council.”

It's about time it cost agitators like you an equal amount. Perhaps then you'd think twice.

Protesters caused disruption as they left the meeting and then tried to storm the town hall after security staff eventually locked them out. Sussex Police were also called to attend.

I wonder if they even bothered to arrest anyone?

For once, the council seems to have found a tiny piece of backbone:

Cllr Theobald said: “As far as I and my residents are concerned, this has nothing to do with specific groups or the homeless, it is to do with people driving up in very expensive motorcars and very expensive caravans and parking on cricket, rugby and football pitches. This council has already provided, at quite considerable cost, a transit site. I don’t think this council could do anything more to try and provide for everyone.”

Well, except for the other usual suspects, of cource:

Green convenor Phelim MacCafferty said existing by-laws would be better suited to tackle antisocial behaviour than “untested” new powers and said it was part of the city’s “raffish charm” to welcome all.

He said: “It is not a crime to be homeless, it is a fault of society.”

I wonder where he lives?

Surely If This Happened Today...

No criminal charges will be brought in the tragic case of a pensioner who died after being bitten by a police dog.

...their ARV colleagues would be obliged to gun down the beast immediately?

Irene Collins had allowed police into the garden of her home in Park End in Middlesbrough to search for a suspect as part of a drugs operation. The 73-year-old was then bitten by a German Shepherd, suffering arm and leg injuries. Mrs Collins was taken to Middesbrough ’s James Cook University Hospital where she died four days later.

You'd expect the police to be on a very sticky wicket here, wouldn't you?

Fear not! The CPS rides to the rescue!

The Crown Prosecution Service initially decided no criminal proceedings would be brought in relation to the July 2014 tragedy.

This decision was later reviewed following a request from Mrs Collins’ family.

Did they really think they'd succeed?

And in a statement issued today, a spokesman for the CPS said they had upheld that decision.

Did they give reasons?

“We considered bringing charges for gross negligence manslaughter, corporate manslaughter, misconduct in public office, breaches of the Dangerous Dogs Act and health and safety at work laws but concluded there remained insufficient evidence to provide a realistic prospect of conviction.

Really? None of those would fly? And you didn't feel that a jury ought to test that?

“As part of our review we consulted a senior independent barrister specialising in corporate crime and health and safety at work.”

I wonder who he was? Still, it must be nice to be untouchable, mustn't it?

That's It! That's The Magic Bullet!

Power placards! *slaps forehead* How did we miss that?

Gosh, how could we have ever thought only of the mundane stuff, like stop and search, locking up thugs and gangsters, and refusing to tolerate gang culture in the black community?

Mr Elwin’s widowed mother and five elder siblings had got together at the family home in Southfields just two days before he was killed to warn him he was mixing with the wrong crowd.

Too little, too late. And too many politicians and pundits seeking to make a nice living out of telling the black community it's not their fault.

It is. Sort out your 'community'. Or see it continue to fail.

H/T: @HappytobeTommy via Twitter

Dictionary For Anne Perkins, STAT!

So, yesterday's announcement by the PM seems to have set off the snowflakes extra early:

Errr, hang on....

Back to the drawing board, Anne. Still, at least you aren't member of the Shadow Cabinet Liz McInnes:

That level of self-absorption is quite some achievement.

H/T: Longrider & half of Twitter

It's Nut Season Again...

The National Union of Teachers’ annual conference passed a motion condemning the Department for Education’s attempts to record pupils’ nationality and country of birth in the national pupil database (NPD), with delegates told that the details could be passed to the Home Office and police.

“The problem with this information is that it will be used to reinforce racist immigration controls. It can lead to raids and deportations. So we need to shout from the rooftops that parents should not comply with this. They don’t have to do it,” Jan Nielsen, a teacher from Wandsworth in south-west London, told delegates.

Excellent idea! Let's teach parents how to not comply with government. What could go wrong?

Des Barrow, a teacher from Hackney, said... “This is shocking, this should not be happening. There’s no educational worth whatsoever in collecting this data.”

What's the 'educational worth' of recording all pupils' BMI score, Des, ol' chum?

Elsewhere in the conference teachers spoke of incidents of racism they encountered.

Oh, this'll be good! What'll it be, burning crosses in the playground? 'Go home Sambo!' graffiti on the break room door?

Sharon John, a black primary school teacher, recalled a job interview where a school governor told her: “We could really do with a gospel choir.”

“I smiled, I didn’t say anything but I racked my brains to think: was that part of my training?” she told delegates.

Errr...

Niparun Nessa, a teacher from Oldham, said she had regularly been confused with the only other Asian member of staff at a school she had worked. “Everyone assumed we were the same person – both children and staff,” she said.

 /facepalm

The conference also passed a motion calling for a strike ballot of members “if no progress is made in talks with the government” over restoring the value of teachers’ salaries to 2010 levels.

Yes, the people who weep and wail over you taking your child out of school in term time are happy to  shut down if they don't get more cash.

The Mysterious Case Of The Missing Bush...

Mel Foreman is a parent governor at the Hope Community School and she said that it shocked the close-knit community at the school.

She said: “We as a school are 150 sets of parents that regularly shop in this store as it's so close to us. This incident has traumatised us all, particularly the children who witnessed it.

“In my opinion an assault on one of us in an assault on all of us.”

The incident involved a mother of eight year old twins. She was shopping at Lidl on the way to school and when she was left the store she heard her son shouting.

Ms Foreman said:“She turned around to find the manager, who is well over six foot tall, grappling with her eight-year-old attempting to take the guitar asking if he'd taken in. Keeping in mind they do not sell guitars.

“The mum intervened and the resulting tussle ended with her in a bush.

“The problem here as I believe is there is a serious issue around the aggressive nature of the staff in this location.”

 Hmmmm. Sounds a bit unlikely?

A spokesperson from Lidl said: “We always strive to achieve the highest standards of customer service and were disappointed to hear of this matter. The circumstances are being investigated as a priority."

Hopefully that investigation will turn up the bush in question. It's well hidden!

Some comments seem to indicate the complainant likes to get her name in the paper (click link with caution if you're eating):

Indeed, some have done the fact-checking you'd expect a newspaper to do:

What happened to the world of local journalism?

Robbing Us Blind....

Speaking at an earlier hearing, Westminster Magistrate Jessica Baldwin said: 'Tezangi disguised herself with wigs to take the tests for the five other women.'

Out of a sense of duty and sympathy for their plight, naturally!

Caroline Jackson, defefending Tezangi, told the court that out of her fee, she was forced to pay for the test and the hire of the vehicle and took home very little. 'It was out of a desire to help others - she was hearing stories of desperation of how these people's inability to drive was causing huge difficulties and she agreed to do it on that basis,' she said.

And this compassion for her fellows led her into crime, despite a blameless life?

Well, no. Not exactly.

Tezangi has a previous conviction for theft for stealing a letter while working as a sorter for Royal Mail, for which she was jailed for 18 months.

So what was so wrong with their lives that they needed her assistance?

Ehigbor claimed she had heard about Tezangi's scam through a friend at a party and agreed to hire her 'in a moment of madness'. She said she would use her husband's vehicle but only drove short journeys on average once a week.

Oh, well, that's OK then.

Olawuyi, a hostess at Chelsea and Westminster Hospital, said she had been desperate for a driving licence because she was trying to bring up three young children as a single mother.

Hmmm...

Barry said she had a licence in her home country of Guinea but failed it a number of times through nerves. She said she had been struggling as a single mother to her autistic son, surviving only on child tax credits and child benefits.

*narrows eyes*

Mpiri, a single mother of four, said she had been struggling in daily tasks like the school run without a car and had become frustrated at the amount of time it was taking to pass her test.

*growls*

Omango, who works as a cleaner, said she was finding it hard to look after six children.

FFS! Deport the lot of 'em!

H/T: wiggia via email

Victoria Coren Mitchell Goes Shopping...

...it doesn't turn out well:

To cut a long story shortish: my local library, which has been run by a children’s charity since the council removed its funding in 2012, has a weekly singing group for babies and toddlers. It’s a fantastic way to get parents, carers and children out socialising (and socialising together): toddlers that can sing, toddlers that can’t sing, toddlers from big houses, toddlers from council estates, toddlers from the temporary homeless accommodation in the next street, toddlers from the secret underground oligarchs’ lairs that must be round here somewhere… all of them clapping, dancing, speculating confidently as to the stock on Old MacDonald’s farm, then staying on to look at books and catch the reading bug. It’s truly a vision of how you would want society to be. UNLESS YOU’RE EVIL.

 Well, must check for pointy horns then, because it's my idea of hell...

For some time, the singing group has been hosted by the librarian herself, an excellent woman with a real vocation for the task: she has natural charisma, a lovely singing voice and the children adore her. But she’s thinking she should focus on “more serious” tasks relating to the building and the charity. And that’s because she’s too modest to realise how directly her talent triggers social cohesion, making this important free space feel welcoming to all. So I decided to send her, on behalf of the neighbourhood, 50 miniature tambourines.

 As you, errrr, do. And in today's modern world, this should be easily accomplished, no?

The volume was meant to be dazzling and a bit silly, like when a rap star sends a thousand roses to a love interest.

 And provide an excuse for a column, no doubt?

I had it all planned. The huge, mysterious box would arrive; she’d open it to find 50 tambourines; she’d laugh, she’d feel slightly harassed, she’d be ultimately flattered; she’d feel a renewed enthusiasm for the group as she imagined her dozens of tiny singers banging incoherently on dozens of tiny tambourines; she’d feel loved and valued and (I told myself excitedly as I clicked eagerly on to the John Lewis website) maybe she’d remember the gesture for ever.

 Yes. It's all about you, Victoria.

So you can understand my frustration when, as the day dawned, I started getting a stream of automated text messages that gradually revealed the tambourines were not being delivered in one giant comic batch with my gift note, but in three different parcels, on two different vans, dropped off six hours apart.

So..? Isn't the point of this to get them the tambourines?

I say you can understand my frustration. Can you? The John Lewis manager I spoke to could not. She told me that 50 tambourines could not be delivered in one go “for safety reasons” and that she agreed with this “policy”. (No such policy exists, I have subsequently established.) She disagreed with me that this should be advertised at point of sale.

 Probably thinking all the while 'What the hell's the problem? She's getting the damn tambourines!'...

Essentially, she was prepared to say anything at all, other than sorry. I suddenly found myself crying...

 Well, I hope that brightened up the John Lewis girl's morning as much as it brightened up mine!

Why cry, though, over a botched tambourine delivery? I’ve asked myself this, as I lie awake at night picturing my sobbing pleas being broadcast to a crowd of giggly new sales staff and clawing lightly at the headboard. I think the answer is: because it’s an increasingly frightening, chaotic, unknowable world and we can only control it (or make sense of it) in small, kindly, hopeful gestures. That’s what this ridiculous purchase was supposed to be. When it failed, I needed the person on the end of the phone to be kind and sympathetic and for the two of us to share a moment of fellow feeling. When that didn’t happen, it all seemed to represent something much bigger than itself.

 Jeez, you're making a purchase from a company, not communing in an ashram over mint tea!

We all have to interact with large corporations now; too many little shops have been pushed under by them. If we choose John Lewis or Sainsbury’s, it feels, at least, more human scale than Amazon. The big corporation can’t meaningfully care about us, but we need to persuade ourselves that an individual representative could, even if they’re just a disembodied voice on the phone. When you can’t convince us you care, that exposes the relentless grind of the emotionless, profit-hungry machine. It’s frightening and alienating.

It exists to take your money in return for goods. Which it fulfilled. It's not there to hold your hand while you have an existential crisis.

SNORK!

Happy Easter Sunday...

...however you choose to celebrate it.

Normal Bank Holiday service will resume tomorrow.

H/T: @Skipster via Twitter

Ah, If Only This Was True..!

...then armed cops could turn up and shoot you in the head. It's the new policy for uncontrollable animals.

Giving evidence today Birmingham told Afame Offiah, defending, that he did not assault anyone. He told the court he had been pushed by officers in the back and refused to go in his cell as he felt he was being treated unfairly.

He said: “I thought I’m not going to be a dog and pushed back and grabbed onto the gate.”

Oh, but you are. Did no-one explain the term 'prison' to you?

Another officer, the custody court manager, said he became aware of Blake and Birmingham being brought down following the verdicts. He said they were both “very agitated” and described how Blake, who was “shaking with anger” and Birmingham, who refused to enter his cell, were involved in a melee in the cell area.

He said Birmingham had refused to enter his cell and “barged past” at the same time as Blake “burst out of the toilet area” .

Maybe we should hire ex-United aircrew for our prison service?

Birmingham was in court for the trial but Blake was not as he refused to leave his cell.

Yup, they'd sort this behaviour out in a jiffy!

The Very Definition Of 'A Dilemma'....

But on balance, I'll go with the cop:

“Excuse me,” an affronted Mr Lucas tells the policeman as he drives by. As Mr Lucas overtakes the car again, he is asked to pullover, which the cyclist eventually does.

The officer then asks him: “Do you want to explain first of all why you’re cycling in the middle of the road, making it difficult for a vehicle to pass you?

“And then also when I did safely, you shouted, what was it you shouted to me?”

He didn't take the hint.

“I thought you were too close to me, sir,” says Mr Lucas. When asked to give more space to traffic, Mr Lucas refuses.

“No sir,” he says, “I’m entitled to use this whole road and you’re entitled to do 20mph on this 20mph road too.”

“Which I was doing,” says the officer. “Now you are getting to a fine line of obstructing vehicles.

“You are getting very close to the way you are cycling to obstructing vehicles from passing you.”

 He really, really doesn't want to take the hint...

Asked to “take on board” that he is obstructing vehicles, Mr Lucas refuses again. He hits back “No sir, you take on board you passed me too closely, sir.”

As the policeman continues to speak, Mr Lucas interrupts him, saying: “Are you detaining me sir? Because I’m going to work, thank you.”

He then cycles off, saying: “You need to get on board with how the Highway Code is, sir. You’re a police officer.”

There's only one answer to this sort of insolence: "Taser, Taser, Taser!"

Well, You See, SJWs Wanted No More Stop & Search Policy...

A friend and local teaching assistant wrote on Facebook: “Such a popular kid, had so much memories with this guy and now his young life has been taken. RIP Little Tarabi.” 

“For someone who works with young people, it hurts me the most that there’s nothing being done to stop young people from carrying knifes. Is it ever going to stop?”

Probably not. Why would it? There's no deterrent. The one we had was removed.

Publicity You Can't Buy...

Animal charity Southend Animal Aid isn’t happy with Leigh Town Council’s plans for Easter Monday. J&C Party Pets is set to bring baby rabbits, bottle-fed lambs, baby chickens and a skunk to Leigh Community Centre.

Yeah, I'm a little puzzled at the skunk, too. Not your traditional Easter beastie...

But the charity wants the event cancelled.

What, just for including a non-traditional creature? Harsh!

But no doubt the council will cave in and...

Oh! How refreshing!

However Carole Mulroney, chairman of Leigh Town Council, said it is a fully licensed event - and would go-ahead.

She said: “We have had these zoos before without any problems at all. The organisations who bring the animals are fully licensed by Essex County Council. The animals displayed are never used if there is any sign of stress.

“Southend Animal Aid has got its views. I respect their views, but all of the issues that give them cause for concern are covered.”

And the public agrees:

...others are not sure what all the fuss is about.

Mum-of-two Sherrie Kelly, 36, of Highlands Boulevard, Leigh, said she still plans to visit the zoo when it comes to town. She said: “I’ve been before and the animals always seem quite happy to me.

“I think this idea of a campaign is all a bit over-the-top. It’s all a bit much”

Dad Alex Davidson, 45, of Chapel Street, Leigh, added: “I’m not sure these zoos are a bad thing.

“It all sounds harmless enough to me. I may well go along and have a look with my son.”

Heh! Take that, animal rights nutters!

How Does This Chap Manage To Walk The Streets?

A Michelin star restaurant and hotel has been urged to make its policy on guide dogs clearer after a blind woman was refused entry because its chef has a fear of the animal.

No, it seems Islam isn't  - for once - the main culprit here.

However, today a national blind charity said it had contacted the venue over the issue because they weren’t adhering to legislation about how such a situation should be handled.

So, what's the issue? A 'misunderstanding' about legislation?

The Equality Act 2010 states that service providers should make ‘reasonable adjustments’ for disabled people to gain the same level of service as the rest of public, which may mean changing policy to allow assistance dogs onto the premises.

However, the owners of the Neptune Inn stated that this was not possible as they are only a small business and don’t have the staff to allow the owner, who is also the chef, the time off to let the dog in the building.

What the f...? This is Norfolk, for heaven's sake! If this chap (one Kevin Mangeolles, apparently) has such a crippling fear of dogs, he must have agoraphobia too - there's probably more mutts than people!

And if true, then he has a disability as well. And can apply for a certificate to prove it, like taxi drivers must have, in order to be 'allowed' to breach disability rulings.

Something else is going on here, clearly. I can't get to the bottom of exactly what, though...

They added they try to be as inclusive as possible and have made arrangements for disabled guests to visit in the past, but said this time it was not possible and the situation had caused them a great deal of anxiety and concern.

Well, yes. If I proffered such a pitiful excuse for breaking disability legislation, I'd be a bit anxious and concerned about the potential PR disaster, too...

They declined to comment further.

At least they realise 'When in a hole, stop digging'...

But, But Wait! What About The Cuts?

Police have vowed to work towards changing convicted burglars’ behaviour once out of prison rather than merely responding to break-ins.

Det Supt Kevin Baldwin, detective superintendent for the South local policing area, said that teams needed to focus on keeping track of known offenders and changing their behaviour.

Really? You've got time (and manpower) for this?

Mr Baldwin said: “It’s good to see that this sort of crime has gone down on Canvey. We need to invest time and effort into the people we know that are doing it and preventing them from committing those offences.

“We can invest time going to victim’s homes, and we will still do that, but if we spend a significant portion of our effort to prevent those burglaries from happening in the first place it will help.

“Once people are released on licence, they have licensing conditions that we can monitor. If they are released without conditions, we will make them nominals that we can keep track of.”

Wait, you didn't do this before..?

Life Comes At You Fast, Eh, Essex Police?

Chief Insp Sam Smith, district commander for Basildon, spoke out after a gang of men - one wielding a 12ins knife - stormed into a home.

Police believe that the gang of five men targeted the home in Voysey Gardens, Pitsea, specifically. The incident is believed to involve drug dealing.

                                                          

The two suspects, one armed with a knife, broke into a home in Herongate, Shoebury, at about 3.45am on Saturday, where they viciously set upon the man.

They've kept quiet ever since. They have some sense, then....

Do You Really Feel 'Part Of The Neighbourhood'?

Representatives of the Stanley Road Medina Mosque last month put forward the proposal to expand the front of the building, which is used by some 700 Muslim worshippers, and modernise the facilities.

The project at one of the city's eight mosques, received a hostile response from neighbours, with Liberal Democrat MEP Catherine Bearder also joining in with the condemnation, citing over-development and the building's proposed appearance as reasons for objection.

Oxford needs eight mosques..? Eight!?

Following Oxford City Council approval, mosque chairman Sadat Khan sought to allay fears and re-assure the community.

I wonder what he'd have done if he lost?

“With the neighbours’ concerns, it was a bit disappointing because we were not involved in the discussions.

“I believe that if we get together then we can work together because we feel we are a part of that neighbourhood. We want to do our bit to alleviate their concerns.”

If you really felt 'part of the neighbourhood' why would you need to build a huge building proclaiming your separate nature from that neighbourhood?

I Think This Only Works If The Dog's Named 'Lassie'...

She pleaded not guilty to two charges of owning a dog dangerously out of control and claimed that on December 4 Jim had been at home with her.

“There are quite a lot of Alsatians in the area,” she said.

She told the court that on December 5 she was panicking because she was unwell and, fearing that she was having a stroke or a breakdown, let Jim out to go to her parents’ house for help.

I really don't know how magistrates keep a straight face, sometimes...

Scale...

A report published by SK Architects, based in London Road, Westcliff, which is leading the developement, reads: “The single house has an excessive and uncharacteristic setting and open space in an otherwise semi urban/sub urban context of this part of Leigh.”

Translation: "We can get several rabbit hutch properties suitable for the lower classes on this one plot! And what do they need space for, anyway?"

The plans hope to “create a small unique development of simple and slightly decorative family homes to mediate and respond to the varying context and domestic scale of Underwood Square.”

I like that 'slightly decorative' description! Not often architects slip up like that, is it?

Southend Council will have the final say on the application.

I bet it passes.

Another Of Those 'Rare Cases', Eh, Feminists?

Cleveland Police today confirmed the force was no longer investigating an allegation of rape in Redcar, North Yorkshire, which was said to have happened on Friday, March 3.

A woman in her early 30s has been arrested on suspicion of wasting police time and remains in police custody.

Funny how there seems to be so very many of them. It's almost as if there's so little consequence to making these allegations...

The shocking allegation generated a great deal of media interest.

I wonder how much interest the retraction will generate in the progressive press?

H/T: Al Jahom

Let Me Guess...

...someone checked out the last copy of 'Paradise Lost'?

Officers were called to Redbridge Central Library in Ilford at 6.15pm yesterday (Thursday, February 23) to reports of a “large group of people fighting”.

At least three police vehicles were seen outside the library in Clements Road.

Hmmm...

When emergency services arrived at the scene they found a 17-year-old boy had been assaulted.

He was treated by the London Ambulance Service but was not taken to hospital.

Another boy was arrested in connection with the incident and remains in custody at an east London police station.

Ah. Libraries are gang turf now. Good to know.

Surely There's No Need For DIY..?

...there must be a lot of people who'd be only too happy to help you out with that, after all.

Proof, If Proof Were Needed, That Proofreading Is Needed!

Homonyms strike again!

H/T: Dave Ward via email

Sunday Funnies...

Ahhh, Russia! Don't ever change...

Well, Glyndebourne Rarely Has Riots…

"We know they're just trying to shut down grime, because if it was anything else they wouldn't have this issue.”

He added: "If, for example, Ed Sheeran had a show and a fight broke out, he's not going to do a 696 on his next arena tour."

That's because getting into a fight isn't considered part of the show at an Ed Sheeran concert, it's considered an aberration.

And until that changes, police are quite right to profile this type of 'music'.

For Fox Sake…

A dog has been fighting for its life after a fox attack in what the owner has called an 'epidemic.'

Fabulous, a two-year-old Russian Toy Terrier, went into cardiac arrest yesterday after he was bitten and thrown in the air by a fox on March 9.

What sort of terrier is the victim of a fox? I think the clue is in the name 'toy terrier'.

And sure enough, it's one of those spindly-legged, bulgy-eyed, hamster-sized yappy beasts so beloved of modern dog owners. Named 'Fabulous'...

And what prompted this attack? Was little Fabulous seen as lunch?

“It is getting out of hand, I’m scared this is going to keep happening. The vixens have had cubs, there could be 20 foxes from now until September.”

*sighs*

Samantha said she thinks more should be done to help dog owners.

“The Vixens will only become more aggressive because of their cubs.”

What should be 'done to help dog owners', then, Samantha? Do we need an urban Jim Corbett to set up a machan in your garden at night?

Criminal Mastermind..?

Catherine Allan, prosecuting, said the teenage boy was making his way to bed when he heard his younger sister call out.

He went into her room and saw the girl standing near the window.

"He also thought it was his older sister, who wasn't meant to be in the house at the time, and tapped her on the shoulder," said Miss Allan.

"He had to do this a number of times before she turned round and he realised it was the defendant who lives across the road."

Miss Allan said that when the boy escorted the defendant downstairs he realised the front door was locked and asked how she had got into the house.

"She told him she had climbed in through the bathroom window and he later found it was open," said Miss Allan.

"He also found his iPhone was missing and contacted the police."

How very strange! Not your usual burglary, is it? Why would the lad not recognise this girl wasn't his sister?

When officers went to speak to the girl she initially denied taking the phone. She said the other family were lying and Allah was watching.

Oh!

She then admitted the theft and directed the officers to a cupboard where it was hidden.

The world's most inept burglary?

Simon Farnsworth, defending, said the girl had been brought to the UK to live with her father who she hadn't seen for a number of years.

"She found it difficult to integrate with Western society and that resulted in self-harm and anti-social behaviour," said Mr Farnsworth.

"She has been falling out with her parents over such things as marriage."

Well, this clearly has an easy solution. Deport her.

Definitely Someone Who Could Be Trusted To 'Use Discretion'...

Prolific offender Daniel Valentine and co-defendant Matthew East hugged each other tightly in the dock as they were sentenced for conspiring to stop Mary Walters from giving evidence at her 20-year-old son Jake Foxall’s inquest.

Grinning and nodding his head, serving prisoner Valentine was told he would be locked up for a further 18 months but celebrated, shouting to his family: “I’m out in the same year.”

Someone can't count, or is - hopefully in vain - relying on the automatic discount...

Sentencing at Oxford Crown Court on Thursday, Judge Ian Pringle QC told Valentine he was becoming institutionalised after the convict revealed he thought time behind bars was ‘wicked’ and claimed it had ‘been his life’ since he was about 15.

The judge said Valentine was ‘nervous’ about what Ms Walters would say at the inquest, fearing he would be incriminated, and called on former HMP Bullingdon cellmate East.

During the pair’s trial earlier this month, jurors were told Foxall killed himself while on remand at HMP Glen Parva, in Leicestershire, in November 2015.

He had committed a robbery with Valentine, snatching jewellery and cash from a woman at knifepoint, and making off in her car.

Foxall, who confessed to his offending when arrested, was due to give evidence against Valentine at trial and was remanded in the prison.

Judge Pringle told the court: “You put some pressure on him [Foxall] by messages, no doubt, getting through to him.”

And this 'pressure'? How did it come to light?

Prosecutor Naomi Perry told jurors Valentine called East, while serving a five-year jail term for the robbery, telling him to stop Ms Walters, of Chilton, near Didcot, from giving evidence at the upcoming inquest at Leicester Town Hall.

In one conversation, Valentine was recorded telling East: “If she gets to that inquest, I’m on charges.”

In another phone call, East said: “You want her off the road, smash and run then? Something like that?”

Valentine replied: “Something like that. Matty use your discretion. Remember this is a prison phone so I can’t tell you what you’ve got to do.”

Clearly, two criminal masterminds here...

There’s A Joke In Here Somewhere…

Co-ordinator Matthew Moors said: “Everyone has a role to play in helping Brighton and Hove become a dementia friendly city.

“This includes organisations providing services to people living with dementia via the council, health service and care providers.

“However it also includes local hairdressers, cafes, places of worship, friends and neighbours, bus and taxi companies, bank chains, supermarkets, the police, schools, sports centres and theatres as well as many others.

“We can all make changes to our behaviour and our services to create a safer and more inclusive society for people with dementia.”

...obviously. I'm too much of a lady to make it though!

Why Bother..?

James Thomas George McKnight had to be talked down by specially trained negotiators following the incident on top of Darlington’s TK Maxx store, in Crown Street, on January 22.

...

“..it took some real effort of trained officers not to get him to go forward with his plan.”

Ms Passfield said it was not the first time McKnight had tried to commit suicide but had received an “enormous amount of support” from agencies following the incident.

So now the next time this waste of oxygen wants some attention, he'll get a chance to do it all over again:

Police cordoned off the street, diverting buses and shutting businesses, while ambulance and fire crews were put on stand-by as McKnight was seen dangling his legs over the edge of the building.

 Still, I'm sure his fine will go a long way to defraying the cost?

District Judge, Helen Cousins, gave McKnight, of Coleridge Gardens, Darlington, a conditional discharge for 12 months and ordered him to pay a total of £105.

She said: “I appreciate you were in a position of severe distress but this caused an awful lot of disruption.”

*sighs*

Only One...?

Jaspreet Uppal told the BBC: "First I heard a gunshot, there was a dog on the floor.

"A few officers carried out a child from the back area of the flats."

Blimey, Kent Police must be much better shots than the ones in Bolton!

Incidentally, the number of dogs the police claim to have shot dead at that scene has now risen to three, according to this report on this more recent event. Is anyone else puzzled?

An onlooker told The Sun: "The baby’s head was being shaken in the dog’s mouth and it was covered in blood.

"It was the other children in the playground that managed to prise it from the dog.

"It was absolutely horrific and there were children covered in blood who witnessed it all."

Hmmm. Such a savage attack that other children intervened and stopped the attack? Where were any adults? Why did this mysterious 'onlooker' not help?

Anyone with footage of the incident have been asked to send it to police rather than upload it to social media.

Modern life, eh?

According to an eyewitness, the child was being looked after by a teenage babysitter and the parents are believed to have been at work when the attack happened.

Curiouser and curiouser...

Update: As noted in the comments, some reports now say two shots, and also that the dog was secured on a lead at the time (which no doubt helps!). If so, it seems this marks a new policy by police in these cases, of immediate destruction at the scene. I guess they too got fed up of wasting taxpayer money keeping the things alive in secure kennels for months until the owner goes on trial.

BZZZT! No Compo For You!

Zoe Stewart and her daughter Felicity, two, were walking to nursery when the little girl caught her foot on the damaged pavement in Holgate, Pitsea, and fell forward onto the exposed metal edging of a drain cover, splitting her forehead open.

 Oooooh! What's that worth?

After the accident on Thursday, January 26 , Miss Stewart, who also has a son, Connor, eight, complained to Essex County Council, which is responsible for maintaining the pavements.

However, she has been left “absolutely furious” after receiving a letter from the council which stated that an inspector had visited the site but that “the defect was not considered to be dangerous at this time and was scheduled for a low priority repair.”

*gasp* Run to the papers! Call Injury Lawyers 4 U!

She said: “I’m really angry as I have lived round the corner from this for about five years and it’s always been like it.”

Oh! And you were doing so well up until this!

Clearly, They Got A Dog For All The Wrong Reasons

…they say pet-owners may even be forced to give up their animals if the controversial plan is enforced because they will not be able to give their pets enough exercise.

Look, if you buy a pet and then outsource its care to a stranger because you're 'too busy', you don't bloody well deserve to have one!

I Should Have Sympathy...

An end, at last, to this case:

Justice Patricia McGowan said if not for Troisi’s mental health issues he would have been jailed for life.

She said he was a “danger to the public” for the “foreseeable future.”

She said: “You clearly planned what you were going to do because you went to get a petrol can.

“Having set the fire in the way that you did you killed a young woman and her unborn child.

“You placed the lives of all the other occupants of the building in very great risk and you also endangered the lives of the firefighters and the emergency services who were there to help.”

A truly awful crime.

Khabi Abrey’s husband Stuart sat in court as his wife’s killer was sentenced to detention under the Mental Health Act, which he said was the right decision.

A victim impact statement read to the court said Mr Abrey felt “gutted and lost and sick and drained” and was still angry with South Essex Homes for housing schizophrenic Troisi in the same block, despite complaints.

As would anyone. So I should have a lot of sympathy, and yet...

Mr Abrey, a care professional who works with convicts struggling with mental health conditions and drug addictions, said the case was “preventable”.

Yes, by locking him up forever. Right?

“I have been left wondering how someone with such dangerous tendencies could end up being anyone’s neighbour without being cared for.”

'Because people like you advocate for people like him', perhaps..?

Dangerous Bloodlust...

I was chilling yesterday afternoon when the first reports came in via Twitter...

Whew! Hero marksmen turn up to save the day!

But if you were expecting the scene from 'To Kill A Mockingbird' here, where war hero sniper Gregory Peck steps up to save the town from a rabid beast, think again. Video shot by witnesses (far more calmly and professionally than the dogs gunned down by these 'marksmen'!) and plastered all over Facebook shows a far different story.

The first such I viewed didn't show very much, but count the bullets! You'd think they were shooting at Cape Buffalo!

And the dogs are clearly not 'attacking' at all, but running around terrified, wagging their tails. I suppose we shouldn't be too surprised at the lack of control shown by the supposed 'professionals', since this is oop North, and they clearly have issues there.

And then there's this.

Deane Road and Salisbury Street were closed by police for around two hours whilst they dealt with dogs running around the streets, and re-opened shortly before 1pm.

But at 6pm a police spokesman told The Bolton News that one of the dogs was still missing.

How long to realise that? They can't even count the things they are shooting at!

Is the owner a cretin who shouldn't own animals? Undoubtedly. But the 'attack' seems to have been a dog-on-dog fight with a shitzhu (which survived), according to Facebook and the 'rampage' merely excited dogs barking. Frightening, but not a situation calling for a fusillade of gunfire on a suburban street...

No wonder the police are now asking for all the footage, Bit late for damage control though.

No doubt regular readers are confused, given my interest in dangerous dogs. Well, yes, I'm happy to see dangerous dogs shot, when necessary.

But I'm not happy to see excited armed 'marksmen' turn up determined to shoot something no matter what the situation when they get there, just because they can. That way lies America.

Typical London Scenes...

One witness, who asked not to be named, described “around 200” people “screaming” in the street.

The Balls Pond Road resident told the Standard: “I was leaving my house and I heard a lot of sirens.

“As I walked up Balls Pond Road I saw around 200 people gathered outside of the shops, they were mainly girls and were screaming.

“It was terrifying. One of them smashed a bottle against a bin and they all ran.

“I was walking on the other side of the road and people there started running away too.”

Ahhhh, feel the enrichment!

       

This just in from our correspondent in Dalston... 

A Met Police spokeswoman said officers were unable to locate a disturbance while Hackney Police wrote on Twitter that they were monitoring the situation.

As much use as a chocolate teapot. They can't even get their story straight.

A statement read: “We deployed units & group were also monitored on CCTV.

Sometimes our presence can inflame situations so we move away.”

Well, of course! Sod the poor public. They just pay your wages so their streets are safe, eh? Cue no end of 'Mah resources! Cuts! Tories!' from police Twitter accounts:

But hey, you're possibly right, lads. Maybe there's no social timebomb created by allowing youths unchecked by their parents and 'community' to also go unchecked by the (supposed) forces of law and order.

We can look at Somalia to see the potential future of such a lack of determination to preserve order, can't we?

Or....we could look at Croydon?