Monday 22 July 2013

The Inevitable 'Escaped Snake' Story...With An Underclass Touch

Happens every warm summer, doesn't it?
An Abbey Wood family got the ssssscare of their lives when a 3ft snake slithered out of the chimney and attacked police as they tried for an hour to capture it.
Officers used containment tactics and avoided repeated attempts by the animal to sink its fangs into them before eventually capturing the creature with the help of a bin, a takeaway pizza box and some gaffer tape.
Oh, but the best is yet to come:
Annie Cox, 53, was woken up by her terrified son who was sweating and white in the face.
She said: "First I told him to clear off. I thought he'd been on drugs or he'd been drinking heavily."
As you do...
She went on: "I marched into the front room in my pyjamas, in all my glory and looked into the chimney.
"It put its nose about two inches from my face. Then I kind of went into panic mode."
So did the unfortunate reptile, I expect, on realising what this neighbourhood must be like...

9 comments:

DtP said...

Has she just shopped her son as a junkie over a snake related incident? Oooh, must be pun time:

'Adder got away with it, if it wasn't for that snake'

Err...surprisingly difficult - I shall mull it over...

James Higham said...

Think I'd vote this one of your best. [Smiles quietly to himself]

Woman on a Raft said...

There was a time when an 18 year old would have thought of protecting his poor old mum rather than run screaming to hide behind her apron, begging her to save him from the monster in the chimney.

Ranter said...

I read this superb story in TNS on Saturday. The pictures and quotes are superb - the chav underclass at their finest. Shame you can't get scratch 'n' Sniff photos to make the experience complete.

The current edition shows this :

She said: "First I told him to clear off. I thought he'd been drinking heavily."

The one I read was 'She said: "First I told him to clear off. I thought he was drunk or been taking drugs'

"ere wanker you bin on that crack again you cnut - - -would probably be more accurate.

microdave said...

"With the help of a bin, a takeaway pizza box and some gaffer tape"

What - no "sticky backed plastic", or "Cornflake" packets?

Get down, Shep...

AMB said...

Maybe it comes from growing up in Rattler country, but my attitude is thus:

The vast majority of snakes aren't dangerous and the ones that are definitely let you know. Did it occur to none of these people to just grab the thing and fling it outside? It'll either make do on its own, or else become fox chow.

John Pickworth said...

Mrs Cox said: "The scary thing is we're hoping it hasn't laid eggs somewhere and baby snakes aren't going to start creeping out."

According to Wikipedia:

Desert kingsnakes are not usually dangerous as adults, preferring a quiet night in with a nice bottle of red. However they are notorious breeders, often laying something like 150 eggs at a time inside something warm and dense, like an old chimney or out-of-work 18 year old layabout son. The young snakes are particularly fast, agile and aggressive. They will feed on middle-aged bingo players while they sleep.

Don't have nightmares Mrs Cox

JuliaM said...

"Has she just shopped her son as a junkie over a snake related incident? Oooh, must be pun time.."

ROFL!

"There was a time when an 18 year old would have thought of protecting his poor old mum.."

I guess all that 'Call Of Duty' never prepared him for REAL combat...

"Did it occur to none of these people to just grab the thing and fling it outside?"

Sadly, the 'Dial 999 for emergency' instruction now seems to incorporate EVERYTHING especially in Chavland.

DtP said...

Whey hey hey

http://apiln.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/snake-down-chimney-anger.html